A Poem Because I Put Off Writing This Post

Putting Off a Mirage

It seems to me

we live in the myth

of choice

and control

opting

solving

conducting

our lives

Weighing one way

against another

aim

against aim

judging

ourselves

improving

ourselves

In truth

so much takes place

outside this illusion

is “chosen” or done or lived

by others

happens 

to others

and rolls down to us

What then does it mean

to procrastinate?

Life is so much bigger

and smaller

than that

Done for the Week: Not Exactly the Best Laid Plans

Stuff got done last week.  Not all of it planned.  In fact, not much of it.

 

It was one of those weeks for which the "done list" was designed--a device to foster self-forgiveness, and to document forward motion.

Done for the Week:  Jan. 23-29, 2012

1. Biked three times; did hip-strengthening exercises twice
   
2. Watched three basketball games with various family members
3. Saw orthopedist to deal with foot injury; awaiting insurance approval for ordered MRI
4. Finished reading Elizabeth George's A Traitor to Memory aloud with my husband; Began reading A Place of Hiding
5. Read Please Look After Mom, by Kyung-Sook Shin; Brideshead Revisited, by Evelyn Waugh
6. Continued to work my two part-time jobs, putting in extra hours
7. Published 1 blog post
8. Continued work on current clients' projects
9. Attended Great Lakes Multisport Expo
10. Worked on Voter ID database
11. Attended State of the Union address party 
12. Attended Social Justice meeting
13. Attended Jobs & Transportation subcommittee meeting
14. Did laundry 
15. Continued to support my son in his finally successful search for an auto mechanic internship 
16. Began supporting my other son in his college application process
17. Had lunch and breakfast dates with my husband
18. Mailed March of Dimes appeal to my neighbors
19. Meditated 3 times 
20. Got dishwasher repaired
21. Completed repair on one bedroom closet door
22. Purged many pounds of old paperwork
23. Cleaned microwave

Once again, the most important thing I accomplished last week was continuing to fight the good fight to reclaim our house.  The degree of order I have achieved thus far is providing a bit of momentum to the overall campaign, and I am enjoying keeping up the spaces I have cleared thus far.  It has been years since I succumbed to the growing disorder of my apparently undomesticatable housemates.  Maybe it has just taken me this long to venture a rematch.  But I am feeling hopeful.  And my roomies are at least making appropriate noises about pitching in a bit.  To be continued. . .

Last week's focus goal was to schedule three exercise sessions, three meditation sessions, and publishing of two blog posts (in addition to this one); and to stick to the schedule as circumstances permit, and re-work it, as they demand.  As John Becker said at the conclusion of the episode where his corner of the universe began to unravel, negatively impacting all the people around him, when he tried eating at a restaurant other than his regular haunt, "I think we learned three very valuable lessons."  Naturally, my lessons were somewhat different than his, since I was attempting a different kind of change, and since I am not a TV character in a sitcom set in the Bronx, and blessed with pretty darn good writers.  But you get the point.  So my lessons?  1:  I suck at schedules--making them and sticking to them.  2:  As Becker learned, "No good ever comes from change.  Ever."  And 3.  My life at present is not exactly schedule-friendly, even if I had the knack. 

All this is by way of saying that I didn't make much of a schedule, and I didn't keep to it much either.  I did manage to bike twice, to meditate twice, and to publish NO posts after the first one last week.  In my defense, several major departures from my anticipated work hours decimated my already half-assed plans.  

Life just keeps happening, and happening, and happening. . . . As in the days when my own children's illnesses blew up my days, and my mood, I now find myself similarly affected by my grandchildren's illnesses.  Last week's childcare "schedule" was greatly altered to accommodate a killer virus that featured pink eye, stomach distress, and the kind of sneezing and sniffling only a pre-schooler can do.  And then there was the trek to the other side of the planet to support my son's quest for an internship.  And the two hours spent in the doctor's office investigating a remedy for my injured foot.  And the snow.  And the repairman who bumped me to last on his list.  And the committee meeting I'd forgotten to put on my calendar.  And the challenges of sharing three cars among four drivers each with their own scheduling changes and challenges. . . . And . . . and . . . and . . .


For next week, I am returning to a simpler, smaller focus goal--to meditate as many days as I can manage.  This "change agent" is clearly not anywhere near ready for prime time.  (I read this evening, while on the stationary bike, that meditation can help grow the capacity for self-discipline.) 

Done for the Week: Another of Life's Little Detours

I'm still up to my neck in four-year-olds this week.  That is to say, I've been spending the better part of my waking hours with one very talkative, very energetic, and very dear little boy, and trying at the same time to be as much help as possible to his mother--my daughter.  Her new baby turns two weeks old tomorrow, although by rights she shouldn't really be born for another seven weeks. 

My brilliant advice to my daughter, which I'm trying to remember to follow myself, is to take this challenging period one day at a time.  It seems that's the best I can come up with.  Really.  In the meantime, here's what I got done, somehow, last week:

Done for the Week:  Oct. 17-Oct. 23, 2011

1. Continued 5K training with my youngest son, in preparation for his first race--Finished Week 8 of 9 Week Couch-Potato-to-5K program
2. Took my son shopping for new running shoes, and running gear
3. Cheered my son after he came in 5th in his age group in the Fall Classic 5K, and 24th overall! 
4. Won my age group , beating last year's time by 3+ minutes
5. Ran three times (including race), swam once
6. Read Where the God of Love Hangs Out, by Amy Bloom, Once Upon a Time There Was You, by Elizabeth Berg, and Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk:  A Modest Bestiary, by David Sedaris
7. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
8. Published 2 blog posts
9. Continued significant work on current clients' projects
10. Continued to give nearly full-time support to my daughter and her family as they coped with early arrival of their baby, and my daughter's continuing health problems
11. Helped my son purchase required laptop for school
12. Celebrated my son's first day in technical college automotive program
13. Went out for happy hour with my husband
14. Saw The Ides of March with my husband 
15. Watched first episode of Boss with my husband
16. Did laundry
17. Continued reading Elizabeth George's A Traitor to Memory aloud with my husband
18. Paid our household bills
19. Vacuumed several dogs worth of hair off our living room carpet
20. Entertained my out-of-town stepdaughter and her two sons, and arranged a family tennis outing
21. Took my grandson to his swimming lesson

Once again, the "most important thing" I accomplished last week was continuing to help my daughter and her family deal with the demands and difficulties of her medically complicated postpartum period and the needs of her preemie infant in a Level III NICU miles away.  We continue to refine the schedule and strategies for dealing with this temporary situation, and to marvel at the resilience of this tiny being as she matures and sheds one tube after another on her way to coming home in a couple of weeks.

I am working hard, but not minding the commitment or its requirements.  For whatever reason--probably the rewards of having had my own surprise children, and the lessons of relinquishing control when it was denied me--it is easy for me to take the long view.  This time will be here and gone before we know it, along with its special opportunities.  I am grateful to have the freedom and flexibility to be able to support my daughter in this way.

Last week's focus goal, in the midst of this adventure, was to "fit in three runs, in preparation for Sunday's race."   I managed to run twice before the race, and to swim once while taking my grandson for his swimming lesson.  Not ideal preparation for our race, given that I had only trained once the previous week, but the best I could do.  And good training in acceptance.

Next week's focus goal is to resume meditating.  Period.

Done for the Week: A New Leaf on the Family Tree

My family contains one more person this week than it did at the beginning of last week--the first girl born into our extended family in many years.  I am ecstatic.  I am worn out.

The little one who was in such a rush to get here has left some serious turbulence in her wake.  In the midst of her joyous and disruptive arrival, here's what I got done:

Done for the Week:  Oct. 10-Oct. 16, 2011

1. Continued 5K training with my youngest son, in preparation for his first race--Finished Week 7 of 9 Week Couch-Potato-to-5K program
2. Ran once
3. Read Murder Your Darlings, by J. J. Murphy
4. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
5. Published 1 blog post
6. Continued significant work on current clients' projects
7. Attended second week of four week Run Better class with triathlon coach Lauren Jensen
8. Became a grandmother for the second time, as my daughter's premature daughter entered the world
9. Became a live-in Nana to my four-year-old grandson
10. Gave nearly full-time support to my daughter and her family as they coped with early arrival of their baby, and my daughter's continuing health problems
11. Dealt with my daughter's acutely ill dog
12. Helped prepare my son to begin technical college later this week
13. Went out for happy hour and a movie with my husband
14. Did laundry
15. Continued reading Elizabeth George's A Traitor to Memory aloud with my husband

Last week's "most important thing," hands down, was supporting my daughter and her family through the premature arrival of her new daughter, and her own continuing health problems.   The baby was born early Tuesday morning, at 31 weeks, and though doing remarkably well, is expected to be in the hospital for at least another 3 weeks.  My daughter is dealing with two separate complications and a preexisting chronic illness, compounded by exhaustion and the aftereffects of necessary obstetrical interventions.  Her four-year-old is struggling with the temporary chaos and emotional distress that has beset his happy, stable home life.  We are all attempting to deal with the strategic demands of tightly scheduled twice daily visits to the NICU; my grandson's part-time preschool schedule; my daughter's medical appointments, including yet another specialist to be consulted for a new condition; hot and cold running relatives--the various members of our complicated extended family, all of whom want to help, to visit, to be part of things, and mostly on their own terms; and my daughter's serious need for rest.  


I have adopted the attitude I found helpful during my father's extended illness and eventual death a few years ago--that our circumstances currently are more like M.A.S.H. than like Happy Days, and we need to lighten our loads and keep bailing.  Low expectations, clear priorities, and a healthy sense of humor will get us through.  In the meantime, I cling to my nightly glass of red wine.  For the heart benefits, of course.



My focus goal last week was to "make some time for resting and taking care of myself and my home, and staying loose about how that will get done."  I did manage to get to my running class; to meditate in the middle of the night while my daughter was in preterm labor and I couldn't sleep; to squeeze in a couple of latte breaks; to vacuum several large dogs worth of yellow lab colored hair off my living room carpet; to read an inconsequential mystery novel; and to spend a pleasant evening with my husband.  If I had to miss three blog posts, abandon my novel, skip workouts, miss yoga and tap class and sleep and showers, I did the best I could.  

This week, we can probably better anticipate what lies ahead.  We are starting to problem solve, and to martial additional resources.  My new focus goal is to fit in three runs, in preparation for Sunday's race.  The rest will have to take care of itself. 

Done for the Week: Against the Wind

I turned another year older last week.

Time rushes by, and fans me, my good intentions, and my big dreams as it passes.

Here's what I got done against the wind:

Done for the Week:  Oct. 3-Oct. 9, 2011

1. Continued 5K training with my youngest son, in preparation for his first race--Finished Week 6 of 9 Week program
2. Ran once; swam once; biked once
3. Read Away, by Amy Bloom
4. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
5. Published 2 blog posts
6. Continued significant work on current clients' projects
7. Held third tutoring session with clients
8. Registered for upcoming Fall Classic 5K with my son
9. Attended first week of four week Run Better class with triathlon coach Lauren Jensen
10. Had informal consultation with guest orthopedic physical therapist concerning persistent knee injury
11. Participated in 12 mi. Breast Cancer Awareness Ride
12. Continued to give substantial support to my pregnant daughter and her family
13. Found my lost cell phone
    
14. Did laundry
15. Fixed my husband's bird bath with my grandson's help
16. Began clean-up of our ravine with both sons and my grandson
17. Celebrated my birthday
18. Held joint family party for my birthday and my daughter's birthday
19. Took my dog to the dog park twice, once with my husband, once with my son and grandson
20. Watched episodes of Eureka with my oldest son
21. Took our Isuzu Oasis in to investigate deafening exhaust system noise
22. Continued reading Elizabeth George's A Traitor to Memory aloud with my husband
23. Continued raising money for New Orleans Area Habitat for Humanity on my Facebook Birthday Wish--exceeded my goal of $250
24. Attended Communications Team meeting
    

The "most important thing" I did last week, again, was supporting my daughter and her family in her high-risk pregnancy.  A seemingly endless round of medical appointments, a last stressful week before leaving her job on an early, extended maternity leave, and increasing fatigue left my daughter in need of many more hours of relief child care than we had scheduled for.  This week promises to be a bit easier for all of us, with fewer appointments and the absence of work pressures.  But as her health is expected to worsen as the pregnancy progresses, we are just trying to take it one day at a time.  Her needs will remain a priority for the weeks to come.



Last week's focus goal, for the third week running, was to "meditate at least three times."  My grade?   F!  Not even F+.  I ended each day in a near stupor, with just enough energy to close my eyes before losing consciousness.  Not enough oomph left for sitting and breathing, or the effort of thinking of nothing.  

I have several hypotheses about my current state of exhaustion.  The most likely explanation has to do with an increasingly crazy and precipitously changing schedule, which has left no time for self-care, including meditation.  I am running on an energy deficit, clearly not a situation that can go on beyond the short term. 

So next week's focus goal?  Make some time for resting and taking care of myself and my home, and staying loose about how that will get done; meditating if I can manage it, sleeping as needed, a hot cup of tea and a good book in my swing in the yard. . . .

The Best Laid Plans, Acts of God and the Electric Company

Sometimes I wonder if we're supposed to try to plan things.  It seems, on occasion at least, as if the universe is trying to tell me it's folly to believe that I can develop a list of things I intend to accomplish and proceed to tackle them.  

Like tonight.  I arrived home after a "day that was filled with surprises."  (A little ditty which I just learned has been stuck inside my head for several decades courtesy of the Mickey Mouse Club--strangely enough, since the only time I could see that classic show growing up was when I visited my out-of-state Grandma.)  My husband and I had gone out for a Happy Hour supper, and made several stops on the way home.  We were searching for a rear wiper blade for our 1996 Isuzu, only to be told, by the forthright employee of the last auto parts store we visited, that Isuzu is not "third-party-friendly."  Meaning they don't share parts information with the makers of accessories like wiper blades.  So my son will leave town tomorrow morning on his first long-distance road trip sans rear wiper blade. 

We also stopped at the public library so that I could view the website I'd set up for a client on Internet Explorer, the browser he uses which is no longer supported by Mac, which I use. 

When we returned home, we walked into a totally darkened house, on a totally darkened block, and heard, but did not see, our two sons somewhere in the cave of our living room, announcing a power failure that had begun some three minutes before we arrived.

Instead of starting the blog post I had planned to write this evening, I spent the next forty-five minutes scrambling for candles and flashlights.  Apparently,  I am out of practice in dealing with power outages.  I found myself using the candle I finally located that had enough of a wick to support a flame, which I had ignited after braille-ing my way through the kitchen in search of a candle lighter, to grope my way toward the light switch upon entering each new room.  As if the only problem was that I couldn't see the light switch!  

Then I returned a call I'd missed from my daughter, and she advised me to call the power company, her former employer, in case they didn't know about the outage.  I figured that, since my computer still had some juice, I could use it to look up the number.  Forgetting, of course, that I would need an internet connection, which was not possible with no power to the modem or the router.  My clever daughter looked up the number in her phone book, in her house five blocks away where they had power.  I typed it into my computer, which was at least good for note-taking, hung up, and then called the power company number. 

As I was "press[ing] 1 to report a power outage," the lights went back on.  (Clearly, I should have called earlier!)  After I hung up, the power company called me (a robo call, of course) to see if I had experienced a power outage!  I pressed whatever number corresponded to "I sure as hell did!" and hung up.  They called again--a different robot this time--to let me know that I had experienced a power outage, which they had subsequently fixed, and that I was one of 1,942 homes affected.

If I was planning to blog about something more meaningful tonight, I no longer remember what it was.

Done for the Week: Where Have All the Hours Gone?

Last week, fraught though it was, seemed to last about 5 hours.  Or at least that minimal time frame would be consistent with my perceived level of productivity.

Here's the official list:

Done for the Week:  Sept. 19-25, 2011

1. Continued 5K training with my youngest son, in preparation for his first race--Finished Week 4 of 9 Week program
2. Ran once; swam once
3. Read The Shallows:  What the Internet is Doing to our Brains, by Nicholas Carr
4. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
5. Published 4 blog posts
6. Continued significant work on current clients' projects
7. Attended Prayer Vigil for jobs
8. Attended NAACP Freedom Fund dinner
9. Resurrected and read through half-done novel
10. Gave substantial support to pregnant daughter
11. Attended tap dance class
12. Did laundry
13. Took my dog to the dog park, with my husband
14. Watched episodes of Eureka with my oldest son
15. Finished reading Elizabeth George's In Pursuit of the Proper Sinner aloud with my husband
16. Went out for Happy Hour with my husband
17. Straightened out serious snafu with health insurance, affecting drug coverage for oldest son
18. Filled three prescriptions, requiring four trips to drug store
19. Fought with AT&T (and won!) over misrepresented replacement cell phone
20. Began using my son's old cell phone, until mine resurfaces
21. Found new mechanic, and arranged for inspection and adjustments to car my younger son plans to take on his first road trip this week

Last week's "most important thing" was supporting my daughter and her family as she makes her way through a high-risk pregnancy and the increasing maze of tests, regimens, and appointments.  My own pregnancies gave me some familiarity with the scary landscape she is negotiating, and I am happy to live close enough to do whatever I can to alleviate some of the everyday stress of dealing with an energetic four-year-old while going through such a difficult time.

Modern life and the so-called feminist revolution have left many women feeling like we have to fit our planned and obligatorily healthy childbearing in between the demands of our professional lives.  It has been my experience that some of us don't get to do it the easy way, and that at least this beginning part of motherhood resists compartmentalization.  We struggle not to feel guilty and/or defective because we are not able to carry and birth our children as efficiently as O-lan in The Good Earth.  

But this time of disruption for my daughter, and for me, will last at most the next two plus months.  And it is a time worth paying attention to, and giving space to.  And nothing else I am doing right now is as important.

Last week's focus goal, before my daughter's situation worsened, was to "return to work on the novel I put away last winter in the midst of my state's political upheaval."  My husband has expressed his disbelief that I would attempt such a thing with all that is going on just now.  But I have a few hours each week that I am attempting to keep sacred, to devote to making progress on this half-completed undertaking.  For as long as circumstances permit, I intend to "make hay while the sun shines."  I did manage to spend most of the scheduled time reading through what I have written thus far--material that I haven't laid eyes on since last February.  I plan to begin writing more of the draft this week.

In light of all that is on my overflowing plate at this time, my focus goal for the coming week is to meditate a minimum of three times.  As I have written before, meditation is most difficult when most needed.  Clearly, it is most needed now.

Acceptance Boot Camp

Life just keeps throwing me curves.  And you know what?  I don't think it's just me.

I was listening to musical artist Pezzettino today on the radio, describing the personal significance of her soon-to-be-released album entitled Pedestrian Drama.  I was particularly struck by her embrace of the adjective "pedestrian," in recognition that troubles and "drama" are common to the human condition.  We are not so special in our pain and confusion.  Or in our stress.  Or in our inability to stay any course without being blown off by unanticipated events.

And the whole curve thing makes me think of a workshop I attended recently, on the 10th anniversary of 9-11, where the main presentation was entitled "From Tolerance to Empathy."  Drs. Sam Richards and Laurie Mulvey, Co-Directors of the World in Conversation Project at Penn State, sketched a framework for moving into conversation that can bridge differences.   Participants practiced specific skills to facilitate such interaction.  

The highest level skill we dealt with on that occasion, in a mixed gathering of 300 Muslims, Jews, Christians, and "Others" like myself, was one they referred to as "steering into the curve."  The metaphor was taken from the advice to drivers negotiating slippery surfaces.  The idea is to go toward the  difficulty, instead of trying to jerk one's steering wheel in the opposite direction and risk making the situation worse.

So as new circumstances amend my plans and schedules in major ways--as at present with the serious health problems of one of my children--it seems like advice I can use;  steering into, not the health issues, but the chaos engendered by the changing needs for my support and care.  Kind of like riding the waves of labor contractions, instead of fighting for control.

Something I'll be working on for the next several weeks. . .

Lowering the Bar: My New Blogging Success Strategy

I am determined to revive this blog, and to reclaim the time for writing it.  Life, however, is not cooperating.

Today, paid work took up 9+ hours.  Then there was the failed effort to get my asthmatic son's acute bronchitis needed medical attention.  And a squeezed-in sortie with my grandson to see the under-construction sidewalk sections in his neighborhood.  And a run with my teenager.  And a thrown-together dinner.  And a two day's accumulation of dirty dishes.

And now I'm tired.  And it's past my bedtime.

So this is my post for today.  As Gandhi tried to tell us, tomorrow is a new life.  One, I trust, with a bit more room for blogging.

Done for the Week: Inching Forward

Eek!  Look over there, to the right.  See what it says?  No, not all that subscribe, search, quote, About Me blah blah.  Just under all that.  Yeah, that's it.  "2011 is 52% complete!"  Which means . . . . Well, we all know what it means.  

 

We're into the second half of this year.  Are we any closer to where we're going--besides the eventual "unto dust" return?

 

I don't know about you, but here's what I got done last week.  In the Grand Scheme of things, which I try to avoid thinking about most days, it doesn't seem like so much. 

Done for the Week:  July 4 - 10, 2011

1. Completed Week 9 of 15-week triathlon training program; ran twice; swam twice; biked twice
2. Swam twice, ran twice, biked once with my training partner 
3. Visited the bike shop for training and race purchases
4. Continued nutrition education; tweaked my hydration approach
5. Finished Three Stages of Amazement, by Carol Edgarian; 
6. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
7. Published 3 blog posts 
8. Began family Harry Potter Film Festival with Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
9. Took dog and family to the dog park
10. Met again with major new website client; launched his blog; made progress on site redesign
11. Visited Apple Genius Bar to discuss computer problems, strategize solution
12. Went out driving with learning teenager several times 
13. Participated in driving my not-quite-licensed-to-drive son to his job
14. Worked on cracking the code for road test appointment; minor success so far
15. Volunteered with recall campaign 
16. Made major progress on backyard reclamation
17. Completed sandbox
18. Took mower in for repair
19. Bought new plants for yard
20. Repaired several months old dishwasher, with my son (Apparently, it's not a garbage disposal.  I'm beginning to wonder if it's a dishwasher!)
21. Put away the last of our Christmas decorations (blush!)
22. Supported my dyslexic 20-year-old son in navigating his first 8-hr.-long solo road trip
23. Continued progress in cleaning/straightening/decluttering work room, bedroom & kitchen 

Last week's most important accomplishment, I believe, was moving forward on my new client's website.  I can only give a half day a week to working on this account, given my other commitments.  But my client's work is very important, in my opinion, and I am excited to be contributing to it.  He just accepted an invitation to speak at a UN-sponsored international venue in a few weeks.  I will be stealing what time I can find between now and then to finalize the first stage of the new design.

Last week's focus goal was a third-week continuation of my intention to declutter our house, involving my housemates in the excavation, and starting with the kitchen, my work room, and our bedroom.  Somewhat disappointingly, I am not there yet.  I plan to keep working at it, in my "spare" moments.  As to my housemates, they keep leaving town.  My husband was gone for work from early Monday morning (yes, the 4th of July) through late Thursday last week.  My most available son will be 8 hours away for most of this week.  The other son spends what time he is not at work with the friends who will be leaving for college in a few weeks; he is deeply engaged in his own Last Hurrah project.  And the dog doesn't have opposable thumbs.  

At least I finally left the worst of my summer virus behind, and am now at about 90%--still coughing, but having more energy.  For this week, then, I will continue the focus on our cluttered environs, and I will make an effort to get back to yoga and meditation.  I don't especially like splitting my "focus," such as it is, in this way.  But I am reluctant to abandon the house-straightening goal only about a third of the way through.  And yoga and meditation keep me sane.  More or less.  It is time to attend to reviving my practice.

This morning, though, I have to add gutter-cleaning to my list.  A brief torrent, followed by an ominous basement trickle, brought that little item to my attention.  "Life is what happens. . ." and all.

Done for the Week: By Tempests Tossed

More irregular time this past week.  Family difficulties.  National holidays.  Unforeseen work emergencies.

This obstacle course required me to continue working on agility, while I got the following things done:

Done for the Week:  May 23 - 29, 2011

1. Continued training for triathlon; biked once, swam once, ran twice
2. Ran twice with my training partner 
   
3. Finished A Weekend to Change Your Life, by Joan Anderson; Recovering From the Loss of a Parent, by Katherine Fair Donnelly
4. Attended search committee meeting
   
5. Did extra babysitting for my grandson
6. Held jobs action
7. Met for debriefing
8. Completed major annual project for my organization
   
9. Called my mother
10. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
11. Went to see Jane Eyre with my daughter
    
12. Published 4 blog posts 
13. Wrote 1 gratitude journal entry
14. Got my husband and son to the gym with me once
    
15. Meditated 4 times
    
16. Kept my new garden flowers alive, and planted more
17. Contacted contractor to schedule bathroom electrical work
18. Had lunch date with my husband
19. Caught up on laundry
20. Watched two playoff basketball games with my sons and husband
21. Went out driving with learning teenager several times 
22. Finished long-distance support of my mother, during my sister's vacation
23. Participated in driving my newly re-employed son to his job
24. Continued planning for trip to Seattle this week with my husband
    

Last week's focus goal was to "hang on, and continue to meditate, and breathe while I do both." I did manage to hang on.  And apparently to breathe, since I'm sitting here writing this.  I meditated more days than I didn't, but only just.  When I stuck to my mid-day meditation "routine," I succeeded.  When the day got away from me, and I allowed its middle to be trodden by others' agendas--four of seven days last week--not so much.  I made time to meditate (prior to falling asleep) on only one of the four disrupted days.  

I have started reading Martha Beck's The Joy Diet:  10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life , and find that her first "menu item," the one she wants us to begin with, is meditation--though she coyly refers to it as "Nothing."  It seems that most of the nonfiction books I pick up these days, in my relatively undisciplined search for peace, wisdom, self-correction, and amusement, involve meditation in one way or another.  All roads, it would seem, lead to Om.  Either meditation is saturating our culture, or, as The Secret's Rhonda Byrne would have us believe, I am drawing these personally needed messages to me.  But in any case, the importance of meditating is being hammered home to me again and again.  So I will keep on striving to "do nothing," for at least twenty minutes of every day.

And here's a test.  The morning is waning.  I am working on yesterday's post, so that I can progress to today's.  I am trying to get ready to leave town in two days.  I have already missed an important meeting so that I could attend a more important yoga class (I missed both classes last week, in favor of meetings and other work obligations).  And I am due at work in less than an hour.  But it is mid day, my meditating witching hour.  And so I am going to put aside blogging, so that I can do nothing.  For twenty minutes. . .

And now, I've meditated, lunched, and worked.  And I'm ba-aack.

Last week's most important accomplishment, I believe, was holding the jobs action I conceived and helped to plan; and meeting to debrief afterwards.  And for the same reasons that the previous week's most important accomplishment was planning said action:  the potential significance of changes we intend to effect in how jobs are being allocated in our city; and my own desire to graduate from being seen primarily as a techie with secretarial skills in an organization in which I contribute ideas, knowledge and skills outside that narrow realm. The action represented a significant step in our bid to learn more about the barriers to employment, so that we can take effective action to overcome them.


As of Thursday, I will be on vacation until next Tuesday.  I will resume posting on Wednesday, June 8.  Until then, I will focus on meditating, and on relaxing.