Procrastinating 101: Lateness as an Evasive Move

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Procrastinating 101 again.  (Funny how nearly two years into this little online seminar, we're still at the survey level, the introductory 101.  But then we are still accommodating late arrivals.  And some of us--ahem--are still working on basic knowledge and skills, even after all this time.) 

This week, we are focusing on "Cure Seven:  Respect Yourself," in Diana DeLonzor's prescriptive Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged.  Theoretically, if we have been employing DeLonzor's good advice, we should be nearly cured by now.  I suspect, however, that some cases may prove a bit more intransigent.

The current chapter paints a portrait of The Evader latenik which many of us will recognize.  Ms. DeLonzor tells us this kind of problem with showing up on time is really all about low self-esteem, which can contribute to punctuality difficulties in one of three main ways:

• When you suffer from low self-esteem, you tend to expect less of yourself.  Because of those low expectations, you may set lower standards for the way in which you live your life.  Chronic lateness, unreliability, and procrastination can be part of those lower-than-normal standards.

• Low self-esteem can cause feelings of anxiety or depression, prompting you to engage in the type of actions I refer to [as] the "evader syndrome," in an effort to relieve that anxiety.  The urge to soothe yourself can take priority over being on time.

• Low self-esteem can cause you to fear success or failure and to engage in what is known as "self-handicapping."

No self-assessment quiz this week.  I guess we're expected to "know it when we see it."  Though I would venture to say that I know lots of people whose self-esteem is low enough that they would compliantly apply virtually any negative label to their own behavior, but who are not, in my view, especially prone to lateness.

DeLonzor advises this five-pronged strategy for improving the condition--evasive lateness--if it indeed inflicts us. 

• Expect more from yourself--do what you know is right.
• Learn to manage your anxiety.
• Overcome fear of sucess or failure by challenging yourself.
• Do something you love.
• Build and maintain friendships and family ties.

As we have come to expect, Ms. DeLonzor presents a series of "exercises" which she says will help us begin to improve our self-esteem, and to change the lateness behaviors that stem from its less than ideal state.  I can already give myself credit for having practiced one of them religiously for years, though in isolation it has not yet had the effect of making me more punctual.  Here's how she describes it:

Let go of perfectionism.  Every day for the next week [or for several years] practice leaving the house or office without making things perfect.  You might leave the bed unmade or your desk in a mess [or the entire place looking like a cyclone has hit it].  Notice how it feels to "chill out" and let things go.  You'll probably find it liberating.  [I don't.]

 So, one down.  What else can I do to effect this "cure?"  Oh, yeah.  The exercise that would have us doing something courageous, something outside our oft-noted "comfort zone."  Like oh, say, competing in a triathlon, or two?  Been there, done that, still late for too many important things--though not for the race.

In fact, as I look over DeLonzor's list of 13 exercises, designed to help us begin to implement her five-pronged approach to a cure for low-self-esteem-based lateness,  I see that I have been doing much of what she suggests--recognizing negative self-talk; replacing it with positive self-talk; identifying my purpose and setting short-term goals related to it; nurturing relationships with family and friends.  Perhaps the difficulty is that I haven't been specifically targeting lateness.  DeLonzor does concede that some of us may have gotten to a point in life where our self-esteem level is fairly reasonable, but we may retain some residual habits and patterns which originated with since-resolved self-esteem issues. 

At this point in our reading of DeLonzor's book, we have run through all seven of the promised cures.  And I am coming to the conclusion that my lateness problem may have been caused originally by nearly all of the syndromes and character defects she outlines.  But the real difficulty is the habit of lateness that is deeply ingrained in me.  I believe that "treating" or "curing" whatever may have caused my lateness in the first place will not be enough to make me on time.  I need to change my habits.

But Ms. DeLonzor is one step ahead of me.  Next week's chapter:  "A Few Words on Habit Changing."

Done for the Week: Whose Life Is This, Anyway?

I'm still having trouble showing up for my life with the conscientiousness that I have taught others to expect from me. 

I guess that's the problem, really.  Too much of my life is still ruled by what others want/need from me.  And the degree of resentment that I feel about this is sapping my will.  

Here's what I got done last week, whoever it was for:

Done for the Week:  May 2 - 8, 2011

1. Continued race training
2. Ran twice with my training partner 
3. Signed up for day-long triathlon camp 
4. Finished An Almost Perfect Moment, by Binnie Kirshenbaum
5. Attended Search Committee meeting
6. Attended campaign announcement for state senate recall election
7. Continued to work my two part-time jobs
8. Published 4 blog posts
9. Arranged first trip alone with my husband in far too many years
10. Attended 2 yoga classes
11. Cooked twice
12. Shopped for groceries
13. Caught up on laundry
14. Watched two playoff basketball games with my sons and husband
15. Purchased new flowers--forget-me-nots, columbine, pansies, hanging basket of petunias
16. Spent many hours picking up glass shards remaining in our yard from a glass table shattered in a windstorm 
17. Had my daughter and her husband and son over for dinner twice, including Mother's Day
18. Picked out new computer (my husband's Mother's Day present to me), and set it up, fighting through feelings of guilt and undeservingness
19. Had a wonderful Mother's Day lunch with my sons and husband and dog
20. Watched two Treme episodes with my husband

Last week's focus goal was to "focus on transitioning to triathlon training, in preparation for the Danskin Triathlon on August 21."  
 
Toward this end, I ran with my training partner, signed up for a day-long tri camp this coming weekend, and began reading Sally Edwards' book Be a Better Runner.  I also located the training plan I used last year, updated it, and shared it with my partner. A fair amount of tweaking will be needed as I negotiate at least two upcoming trips, accommodate meetings and family obligations, and deal with an intemperate spring and whatever kind of summer it will morph into.  At the moment, I'm having a mild case of the tri-willies, which I know from my limited experience is part of the sport, at least for me.  The race is fifteen weeks away! 

The most important thing I got done over the last two weeks was scheduling a trip for my husband and me to Seattle, in the first week of June.  This will be the first time we have travelled any distance without our children--ever!  My husband didn't really believe we would actually manage to pull this particular trigger, and Amtrak needed some persuading to help with their part, involving a complicated point redemption/purchase/sharing procedure.  But it's done, and we're booked, and barring any. . . well, actually, let's not go there.

My focus goal for the coming week is to return to daily meditating.  Regular readers may note the total absence of any meditation sessions last week.  Not a good thing, and probably not unrelated to an increase in anxiety and depression; although the lousy weather, too much solitaire, months of overwork and a messy house deserve some of the credit. 

Wishing all of us a good week. . .

Done for the Week: Waiting for the Thaw

I'm slowly coming back from hitting the wall, in terms of my level of activity.  This past week, I had a bit more energy, perhaps because of the physical exercise I got.

Spring is teasing us here in Wisconsin.  After temperatures in the 80s on Sunday, the rest of last week brought a chill wind, some rain, and even snow flurries on Saturday.  All of my outdoor rallies and ventures in petition circulation have taken place in the cold--no friend to my Raynaud's syndrome.  Hence, the whitened fingers with which I have held signs and extended pens and clipboards.  And the frozen toes on which I have marched and stood and walked. 

This morning, I awoke to snow on the ground.

This is what I got done last week, in this inclement season.

Done for the Week:  April 11-17

1. Continued off-season race training; completed Week 7 of C2K--three training sessions
2. Finished Sepulchre, by Kate Mosse
3. Continued significant volunteer support to transitioning nonprofit
4. Attended state Joint Finance Hearing on Governor's proposed biennial budget
5. Attended budget protest rally
6. Circulated recall petition door to door; 3 hours total
7. Attended Board Meeting
8. Attended Issues Night
9. Attended Good Jobs & Livable Neighborhoods meeting
10. Continued to work my two part-time jobs
11. Published 4 blog posts
12. Meditated 7 times
13. Participated in interviews of two finalists for Lead Organizer position, and in hiring recommendation
14. Got one son and husband to the gym with me once each
15. Attended 2 yoga classes
16. Had dinner date with my husband
17. Got my last learning driver to driver's ed 5 times 
18. Shopped for groceries
19. Cooked
20. Caught up on laundry
21. Took son shopping for clothes
22. Drove son to DMV, and signed as sponsor for learner's permit
23. Watched basketball with husband and sons, including first playoff game of one of the two teams we root for
24. Saw my therapist
25. Tracked down and took steps to resolve one son's termination from our health insurance 
26. Paid brief visit to sick grandson
27. Paid our monthly bills
28. Kept my household checking account out of the red for another month
29. Met with website client

Apparently, I neglected to record a focus goal for last week.  My intended goal, however, was to complete Week 7 of the Couch Potato to 5K training program, which I did.   

I continue to struggle to find time for the training, given all that's going on.  I am exhausted too much of the time.  Combined with early morning meetings, and other commitments, which push available training time later in the day, I am drawing heavily on my reserves of perseverance.  But I am more consistently in the zone of reaching my minimal goal than I was just a few weeks ago.  For next week, my focus goal will be to complete the C25K Week 8, and to spread the three required sessions more evenly over the week.

Meeting last week's focus goal was, in my opinion, also the most important thing I got done over the last seven days--which is why item 1 on the list above is not only highlighted in green, but appears in red text.

I am certainly not the only one who battles a chronic low-level depression these days.  Nor am I alone in experiencing difficult moods in the spring.  Exercise and meditation are the most effective approaches I have found to dealing with feeling sad, overwhelmed, and edgy, as I have recently.  So I intend to keep making time for these essential remedies, particularly in my currently stress-filled circumstances.

We are living in uncertain, and contentious times.  I would amend the bumper sticker/button/coffee mug saying, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention," to read "If you're not anxious and depressed, you're not paying attention."  But maybe that's just me.  In any case, I'm aiming for tolerable mood and energy, enough to keep me carrying my share of the load and believing in the possibility of a better day, and better conditions for all.  Bliss seems out of the question at this time.  I will, however, be glad to see the sun and some mild weather, when they finally show up.

Done for the Week: Groping My Way Through the Tunnel

As I look over the list below, it appears to have been a busy week. And yet I found more time to sit outside in the sun, which was important, since the waning light is having an impact on me and on my housemate children, who share my predisposition to SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  

As I struggled with depression--mine, and theirs--here's what I got done:

Done for the Week:  Nov. 22-28

1.  Continued off-season race training; ran twice, biked twice
2. Finished Great House, by Nicole Krauss  
3. Began reading The Zen Path Through Depression, by Philip Martin, and Undoing Perpetual Stress:  The Missing Connection Between Depression, Anxiety, and 21st Century Illness, by Richard O'Connor
4. Continued support of transitioning not-for-profit organization--continuing to taper off
5. Worked my two part-time jobs
6. Published 5 blog posts
7.  Meditated 3 times
8.  Wrote 7 Gratitude Journal entries
9. Wrote 5 Morning Pages
10. Spent 2 hours working on my novel
11. Attended rally to save high-speed rail and jobs in my state
12. Attended city award presentation for friends and colleagues
13. Participated in several frustrating transcontinental skype calls with absent spouse
14. Attended 1 yoga class, on Thanksgiving Day, for which I was very thankful
15. Walked my dog three times, once with each son
16. Fed and walked my daughter's dog during her two-day out of state trip
17. Watched our two favorite basketball teams play 2  games, with son 
18. Travelled to my sister's for Thanksgiving dinner 
19. Spent time outside, reading and writing, some part of six days
20.  Ordered and received new microwave, to replace old crumbling one
21. Cleaned kitchen counters in celebration
22. Survived first week with absent spouse
23. Cleaned bathroom vanity counter
24.  Straightened and vacuumed living room
25. Did laundry
26. Paid mortgage my husband left the country without paying
27. Shopped for and cooked Thanksgiving soup with my sons
28. Took one of my depressed sons and my depressed self out to dinner, which cheered us both 
29. Watched funny movie with my son

The regular reader will notice the absence of green highlighting from the list above.  This is because last week was an experiment in "focuslessness."  As I had hoped, the lack of structured goals seems to have contributed to a bit more relaxed state, given the already busy and nonroutine holiday week.  For the immediate future, I plan to return to using a focus goal, but to quell the tendency to splinter that focus by having multiple and secondary offshoots--which kind of defeats the purpose, yes?

In my view, the most important achievement of this previous week, in red text, was exercising four times.  Because my mood is becoming problematic, and interacts in a distressing feedback loop with those of my depression-prone offspring, it is crucial that I do what I can to keep from sliding into the depths.  In the past year, as in other difficult times in my life, I have found that exercise can be counted on to provide significant, albeit temporary relief from stress and distress.  

One of the books I am currently reading--Richard O'Connor's Undoing Perpetual Stress-- recounts in readable form what brain research demonstrates about the damage modern life is doing to our limbic system, in particular.  In later chapters, O'Connor addresses the issue of what we can do to restore our emotional resilience.  Of course, I skipped ahead to learn that the two cornerstones of his recommended approach are exercise and meditation.  He advises a half hour of each daily.  

As my done lists reveal, I am not there yet.  I'm not sure how realistic it is to set aside the requisite hour per day (even with O'Connor's reluctant allowance that we might relax this standard slightly, by taking a day off on the weekend).  So I am thinking more of a ramping strategy, maintaining my current exercise level while trying harder to make/find/take time for meditating.  For the coming week, my singular focus goal is to meditate daily.

And in the meantime, I will try to keep on keepin' on, to continue putting one foot in front of the other, and all that aphoristic jazz--until the light returns.

Later, Santa!

It is not the holidays!  Not yet.


So could somebody please tell the people down the block who have a fully decorated Christmas tree occupying their living room window, in plain sight, on Friday, November 19th? And their neighbors, whose trees are dripping lights, which they are turning on in the late afternoon, before some of us have even left work.  And the stores, which have been piping carols and holiday lilts for weeks now.  Especially the department store chain which seems to have determined that we will all buy more if greeted at the door by a "holiday scent," which permeates every section from toys to cookware, and lingerie to collectibles with an odor resembling a moldy Christmas tree.  And the mall my grandson and I ducked through last Monday--on November 15th!--where Santa was already in residence, complete with elves and pictures-for-purchase.


I don't want to be a Grinch, or a Scrooge, or worse, yet another grouchy malcontent holding forth on the subject of too-early commercial holiday promotions.  But I am finding the whole thing increasingly oppressive.  I'm having a hard enough time managing the pesky black dog of depression that comes to sit by my hearth in the waning light of autumn, and dealing with the press of work and the backlog created by my flagging energy and lousy boundaries.  Being nagged about "the holidays" every time I step outside the door, turn on the TV or radio, or pick up the newspaper is pushing me over the edge.  The effect of this communal gun-jumping is that I am made to feel even more behind than I actually am.


The sight of jillions of people cramming into retail establishments for early November "doorbusters," weeks before "Black Friday," is a guaranteed downer for me.  So few of us can afford to spend like that anymore, if we ever could.  Many will spend too much of the new year "decluttering" our homes after filling them with another season's detritus.  And surely everyone sees through the "50%/60%/70% off!" ruse that fails to disguise the recent doubling and tripling of original prices.


As a Unitarian, I do not personally connect strongly with the movement to "put the Christ back in Christmas."  I am as much an appreciator of Hannukah and Kwanzaa and Dewali, as of the yuletide traditions I grew up with.  But I am absolutely opposed to hype and pressure and materialistic overspending, no matter its ritual umbrella.  And to "ringing [it] in" before its time.


So please don't wish me Happy Holidays until at least December.  And don't ask me to save the ailing economy by putting it on my Mastercard.  Me and my dark furry companion will be celebrating serenity and the end of the plunge into darkness in 32 days.  And counting.

On Keeping On

I don’t wanna blog today.  And I don't wanna exercise.  Ditto, meditation.  In fact, I don’t wanna do much of anything.  But Gretchen Rubin (The Happiness Project) has the answer to this funk in her blog post this morning.  Or at least one I can adapt.

Rubin advises, in her weekly video, that we should "sing in the morning."  The advice is her proposed resolution for the week, which is part of her month long focus on attitude.  More applicably, she shares her “thought for the week,” which is this quotation from William James:  

Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together.  By regulating the action, which is more under the direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.

This relates to the third of Rubin's 12 Personal Commandments, which is "Act the way I want to feel."  Another way of saying this is the old "fake it 'til you make it" aphorism.

So I'm going to act like a blogger (thankfully, not a singing one, at least not today), until I feel like a blogger again.  And I'm going to act like an off-season triathlete, and not like a slug.  And like a person committed to sitting in meditation regularly.  I've already acted like a reasonable parent, an amicable spouse, an enthusiastic child care worker who is also a good Nana, a responsible library patron, and a fledgling novelist.  I still don't feel like singing.  But I begin to see Rubin's point.  And at least I haven't left behind more detritus of my black mood to depress me tomorrow.

Maybe we shouldn't call it "just" going through the motions.

Spring Forward--and Pay in the End

To me, this represents a swirling vortex of time-change hell!

Well, people, here we are on the verge of Halloween.  Last weekend, I spent half a day helping to turn my tiny grandson into a temporary pterosaur.  This weekend, I will try to restrain myself from eating all the candy we laid in to buy off potential tricksters, before they get here.  

Some years back, my scary Halloween moment took place in a coffee shop bathroom with a positive pregnancy test.  (Long story.)  I should have know something was up, because that year I did mow down the candy and have to buy more.  The ensuing pregnancy was harrowing, but the outcome was one of the great joys of my life.

This year, Halloween ushers in the last week of Daylight Saving Time.  I saw a menacing countdown clock in a Squidoo article about whether or not we should abolish our semiannual practice of time-shifting.  As I write this post, the seconds and minutes tick away. . . leading inexorably to (gasp!) November 7, this year’s Fall Back Day.

Like others who struggle with mood, I dread this change and its companion, now scheduled to occur each year in March.  And I have never understood the logic, or the "science" of this mass manipulation of our chronobiology.  For one thing, how is daylight "saved" by moving it to another part of the day?  And for another, why would we be concerned with saving daylight during that time of the year when daylight is most plentiful?  I, for one, am much more worried about surviving the winter, with its dearth of daylight.  And I am totally thrown for a loop when our already slender allotment of light suddenly gives out before I get home from work.  

I thoroughly enjoyed this video that encourages us to "lighten up" about the whole daylight saving time issue.  But I don't buy it.

Jokes.com
Paul F. Tompkins - Daylight Saving Time
comedians.comedycentral.com
Funny Jokes Funny Videos Daniel Tosh Stand-Up

And, as it turns out, neither does the scientific community.  For example, there is this upbeat little bulletin from Bora Zivkovic, chronobiologist at A Blog Around the Clock, whose post entitled "Daylight Savings Time Worse Than Previously Thought" tells us about

the latest study - The Human Circadian Clock's Seasonal Adjustment Is Disrupted by Daylight Saving Time (pdf). . . [which] shows that the effects are much more long-lasting and serious than previously thought. It is not "just one hour" and "you get used to it in a couple of days".   Apparently it takes weeks for the circadian system to adjust, and in some people it never does. In this day and age of around-the-clock life, global communications, telecommuting, etc., the clock-shifting twice a year has outlived its usefulness and should go the way of the dodo. 

Rachel Maddow recently conducted an interview ("Does Daylight Saving Time Make Any Sense at All?"  Short answer, no.) with Michael Downing, author of Spring Forward:  The Annual Madness of Daylight Saving Time, in which he pretty much debunks every claim I've ever heard for its merits.  He begins by laying to rest the old "good for farmers" myth, explaining how farmers are in fact particularly inconvenienced by losing an hour of daylight before they can get their goods to market.  He also cites an important Indiana study conducted after the entire state adopted Daylight Saving Time, which found, not the expected energy savings, but a substantial increase in energy cost.

A fun little page on webexhibits.org provides a great deal of information in a "cloud view," which allows you to click on various aspects of the subject, including anecdotes.  It was here that I gleaned such fascinating tales as the one about 

Laura Cirioli of North Carolina [who] gave birth to Peter at 1:32 a.m. [in November 2007] and, 34 minutes later, to Alison.  However, because Daylight Saving Time reverted to Standard Time at 2:00 a.m., Alison was born at 1:06 a.m.

Thus little Alison became her older twin's older sister!


Another anecdote concerned a Vietnam era draftee who argued successfully that, because of Daylight Saving Time, his actual birthday had been registered incorrectly, and that he had, in fact, a much higher draft number.  He thereby avoided going to war.

I also discovered some anxiety-producing research findings about the spike in heart attacks that accompanies our yearly time travels.

My jury is no longer out on the whole enterprise.  While I agree that the long summer evenings are a gift, and that winter days are going to be excruciatingly short no matter what we do, my psyche can ill afford the cost of Daylight Saving Time.  That cost for me comes due most painfully in the fall.  I experience the abruptness of the earlier arrival of night, effected by our return to Standard Time, as a blow.  One that I remember more keenly with each passing year, and begin to steel myself against with the turning of the leaves.

So bring on the goblins, the over-sugared princesses and the axe-wielding serial killers.  I'm even ready to face down the bowls of over-bought treats.  But deliver me from the end of Daylight Saving Time!

Putting Myself to Bed

Painting by Anuraag Fulay

After several decades of giving it short shrift--and what is shrift, anyway?--I am finally learning to appreciate sleep.  


To digress, it seems the second definition of "short shrift" is the one we are used to.  The first is a bit more interesting, and more clearly relies on the meaning of the archaic word "shrift," which refers to penance and confession:
short shrift

 

–noun

1.

a brief time for confession or absolution given to acondemned prisoner before his or her execution.

2.

little attention or consideration in dealing with a person or matter: to give short shrift to an opponent's arguments.

Origin: 
1585–95  [Dictionary.com]

But back to sleep.  (Where I wish I could go!)

After a nearly two-week-long bout of three hours or less of sleep a night, I am creeping back in the direction of my "normal" sleep cycle.  And I have started to sleep without a light on, for the first time in my memory.  I am not afraid of the dark, but have been reading myself to sleep since I could read.  I generally fall asleep with the light on.  When I awaken during the night, as I often do, I resume reading.  For the past few nights, I have been using a countdown timer which shuts the light off after a predetermined interval.  I've been setting it for one hour.  Now when I awaken at 1 or 2 or 3 a.m., the room is dark, and I am finding it easier to go back to sleep.  I have also been using an mp3 of the sound of ocean waves, which loops throughout the night, and blocks out some of the noises of adolescent males roaming through the house in their own struggles with sleep.

In celebration of sleep, I present these quotes, followed by gleanings from Australia's  National Sleep Research Project's "40 Amazing Facts About Sleep."

10 Sleep Quotes

1. Many things--such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly--are done worst when we try hardest to do them. ~ C.S. Lewis 
2. Sleep is the best meditation. ~ the Dalai Lama 
3. How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the nightlight. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember. ~ Dorothy Parker 
4. Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
5. If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. ~ Dale Carnegie
6. No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap. ~ Carrie Snow
7. Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care/ The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath/ Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,/ Chief nourisher in life's feast. ~ William Shakespeare, Macbeth
8. A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~ Irish Proverb
9. Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. ~ Author Unknown
10. A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow. ~ Charlotte Brontë

10 Interesting Facts About Sleep

1. One of the best predictors of insomnia later in life is the development of bad habits from having sleep disturbed by young children.
2. REM dreams are characterised by bizarre plots, but non-REM dreams are repetitive and thought-like, with little imagery - obsessively returning to a suspicion you left your mobile phone somewhere, for example.
3. Elephants sleep standing up during non-REM sleep, but lie down for REM sleep.
4. Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can reset the brain's sleep-wake clock.
5. Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%.
6. Exposure to noise at night can suppress immune function even if the sleeper doesn’t wake. Unfamiliar noise, and noise during the first and last two hours of sleep, has the greatest disruptive effect on the sleep cycle.
7. Tiny luminous rays from a digital alarm clock can be enough to disrupt the sleep cycle even if you do not fully wake. The light turns off a "neural switch" in the brain, causing levels of a key sleep chemical to decline within minutes.
8. Some studies suggest women need up to an hour's extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men.
9. Feeling tired can feel normal after a short time. Those deliberately deprived of sleep for research initially noticed greatly the effects on their alertness, mood and physical performance, but the awareness dropped off after the first few days.
10. The extra-hour of sleep received when clocks are put back at the start of daylight in Canada has been found to coincide with a fall in the number of road accidents.

I also refer the reader to Gretchen Rubin's "Tips to Get Good Sleep," and her reminder that sleep is important for good health, for productivity, and, of course, for happiness.  Wow, after all this contemplation of sleep, I can't wait for bedtime.

Making a Meaning-Full Life

According to Eric Maisel, Ph.D., author of Van Gogh's Blues:  The Creative Person's Path Through Depression, meaning is at the heart of the depression experienced by most creative people.  For those who think too much, and know too much, like many of us in the postmodern era, meaning is problematic.  We are not content to live our lives within the confines of traditional patterns.  


As Dr. Maisel maintains, 

. . . virtually 100 percent of creative people will suffer from episodes of depression.   Why virtually 100 percent?  Because every creative person came out of the womb ready to interrogate life and determine for [him/]herself what life would mean, could mean, and should mean.  [His/]Her gift or curse was that [he/]she was born ready to stubbornly doubt received wisdom and disbelieve that anyone but [he/]she was entitled to provide answers to [his/]her own meaning questions. 

Despite having sworn off self-help books a couple of weeks back, I found myself drawn the past couple of days to revisiting this book I had begun reading earlier.  Something about its warm deep blue dust jacket and Van Gogh-like cover illustration lured me, and I fell off the wagon.  But it was a good fall, and maybe even a necessary one.  


Dr. Maisel de-pathologizes the kind of funk I have been mired in since last fall; and I see that this period in which I am concluding much of the work and many of the roles that have occupied me requires a kind of spiritual realignment.  I need to  think again about what my life can mean, and what I want it to mean.


Maisel holds that 

[i]n order for you to live an authentic, meaningful life, which is the principal remedy for the depression creative people experience, you must feel that 1) the plan of your life is meaningful, 2) the work you do is meaningful, and 3) the way you spend your time is meaningful. . . .[And] the ideal combination. . . is that your life plan feels meaningful to you and you actually live it; that the work you've chosen to do feels meaningful to you and you actually do it; and that your days, spent primarily doing your work and living your life plan, feel filled with meaning.  To reach this goal, you must consciously hold the following four intentions:

1. To articulate a life plan that feels meaningful and to strive to live by that plan.
2. To articulate what constitutes worthy work and to accomplish that worthy work.
3. To articulate how the seconds, hours, weeks, and years that make up your life will be made to feel meaningful and to strive to actually make them feel meaningful.
4. To put the first three intentions into practice in a coordinated way.  [emphasis mine]

This is a deceptively simple outline of how we can avoid the cart-before-the-horse problem I have alluded to before.  Without some sense of what we are about, and why, endless crossing off--or failing to cross off--mindlessly listed items amounts to spinning our wheels.  And even more seriously, we are left careening through our hours and days, spiritually rudderless.  Which brings up all the fears inherent in our brief and ultimately doomed existence.  And thus, depression, as our vulnerable amygdalae twitch and complain.  

So I am being led back to the drawing board.  To figure out where I'm going, before I continue my undirected journey.