Done for the Week: Staying the Course in Wisconsin

This morning, my fellow Wisconsites and I awake to another week in the land of what many refer to as FitzWalkerstan.  Last week's recall election losses were hard to swallow, though "our side" did manage to take two of six.  Up tomorrow are two more recalls, this time of two Democratic senators who left the state for a few weeks last spring to conduct a virtual fillibuster intended to slow down the Walker train wreck.  Needless to say, we are again holding our breath and hoping for victory.

Despite the dispiriting effect of watching the candidate I had worked hard for go down to defeat, I managed to keep going last week, and to get some things done.

Done for the Week:  Aug. 8-14, 2011

1. Completed Week 14 of 15-week triathlon training program; ran three times; swam three times; biked three times
2. Worked out several times with my training partner
3. Attended second Open Water Swim class
4. Attended race simulation; included biking the race course in windy conditions, on pace to meet my goal
5. Continued working on pre-race anxiety, mental training
6. Purchased bike inner tube, new running hat
7. Finished The Scent of Rain and Lightning, by Nancy Pickard; Nose Down, Eyes Up, by Merrill Markoe
8. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
9. Provided technical assistance to nonprofit organization
10. Meditated four times
11. Published 2 blog posts
12. Shared Happy Hour dinner with my husband
13. Continued reading Elizabeth George's In Pursuit of the Proper Sinner aloud with my husband
14. Arranged to meet with possible new web client
15. Continued work on current clients' projects
16. Worked to get out the vote for recall candidate 
17. Advised newly voting-age son on registering, voting 
18. Attended election night party
19. Coped with election loss depression
20. Kept up newly straightened/cleaned/decluttered areas, with some family assistance
21. Did laundry

Last week's focus goal was to return to the regular practice of meditation.  As you can see above, I meditated four times in a fairly crazy week.  You'd think I could manage to remember what a difference it makes. 

Once again, last week's most important accomplishment was all the effort I put into getting ready for the triathlon.  Triathlon seems to be, for me and for many others I have met, something of a container/metaphor for growth.  At least, that's part of what I tell myself about why the endeavor deserves all the time and sweat and money I expend on it.

I am still learning things I need to know from triathlon, and things I apply across the rock-strewn landscape of my life.  This week's focus goal, another learning opportunity, is to finish my training using the less-is-more and self-nurturing approach appropriate to the final days before the race.  I will spend less hours on the track, on the road, and in the water; I will continue to meditate; I will eat to enhance health and performance; I will encourage sleep; and I will work on my head, using music, mantras, positive talk, and camaraderie.  And in the end, I will show up on race day and do what I came to do.

The final pre-race hurdle is a Tuesday evening swim across the lake where the race will take place on Sunday.  In the company of a dozen or so other nervous swimmers, I intend to get to the other side by any means necessary.

Done for the Week: Waiting for the Thaw

I'm slowly coming back from hitting the wall, in terms of my level of activity.  This past week, I had a bit more energy, perhaps because of the physical exercise I got.

Spring is teasing us here in Wisconsin.  After temperatures in the 80s on Sunday, the rest of last week brought a chill wind, some rain, and even snow flurries on Saturday.  All of my outdoor rallies and ventures in petition circulation have taken place in the cold--no friend to my Raynaud's syndrome.  Hence, the whitened fingers with which I have held signs and extended pens and clipboards.  And the frozen toes on which I have marched and stood and walked. 

This morning, I awoke to snow on the ground.

This is what I got done last week, in this inclement season.

Done for the Week:  April 11-17

1. Continued off-season race training; completed Week 7 of C2K--three training sessions
2. Finished Sepulchre, by Kate Mosse
3. Continued significant volunteer support to transitioning nonprofit
4. Attended state Joint Finance Hearing on Governor's proposed biennial budget
5. Attended budget protest rally
6. Circulated recall petition door to door; 3 hours total
7. Attended Board Meeting
8. Attended Issues Night
9. Attended Good Jobs & Livable Neighborhoods meeting
10. Continued to work my two part-time jobs
11. Published 4 blog posts
12. Meditated 7 times
13. Participated in interviews of two finalists for Lead Organizer position, and in hiring recommendation
14. Got one son and husband to the gym with me once each
15. Attended 2 yoga classes
16. Had dinner date with my husband
17. Got my last learning driver to driver's ed 5 times 
18. Shopped for groceries
19. Cooked
20. Caught up on laundry
21. Took son shopping for clothes
22. Drove son to DMV, and signed as sponsor for learner's permit
23. Watched basketball with husband and sons, including first playoff game of one of the two teams we root for
24. Saw my therapist
25. Tracked down and took steps to resolve one son's termination from our health insurance 
26. Paid brief visit to sick grandson
27. Paid our monthly bills
28. Kept my household checking account out of the red for another month
29. Met with website client

Apparently, I neglected to record a focus goal for last week.  My intended goal, however, was to complete Week 7 of the Couch Potato to 5K training program, which I did.   

I continue to struggle to find time for the training, given all that's going on.  I am exhausted too much of the time.  Combined with early morning meetings, and other commitments, which push available training time later in the day, I am drawing heavily on my reserves of perseverance.  But I am more consistently in the zone of reaching my minimal goal than I was just a few weeks ago.  For next week, my focus goal will be to complete the C25K Week 8, and to spread the three required sessions more evenly over the week.

Meeting last week's focus goal was, in my opinion, also the most important thing I got done over the last seven days--which is why item 1 on the list above is not only highlighted in green, but appears in red text.

I am certainly not the only one who battles a chronic low-level depression these days.  Nor am I alone in experiencing difficult moods in the spring.  Exercise and meditation are the most effective approaches I have found to dealing with feeling sad, overwhelmed, and edgy, as I have recently.  So I intend to keep making time for these essential remedies, particularly in my currently stress-filled circumstances.

We are living in uncertain, and contentious times.  I would amend the bumper sticker/button/coffee mug saying, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention," to read "If you're not anxious and depressed, you're not paying attention."  But maybe that's just me.  In any case, I'm aiming for tolerable mood and energy, enough to keep me carrying my share of the load and believing in the possibility of a better day, and better conditions for all.  Bliss seems out of the question at this time.  I will, however, be glad to see the sun and some mild weather, when they finally show up.

Done for the Week: Still Crazy After All These Weeks

Last week was beyond busy.  Insane, actually. The craziness extended into yesterday, so I am posting what should have been Monday's Done for the Week today.

Here's the list of what I accomplished, in between obsessive absorption in weirder and weirder state political happenings.

Done for the Week:  April 4-10

1. Continued off-season race training, returning to C25K; completed Week 6--three training sessions
2. Finished The Sunday Wife, by Cassandra King
3. Continued significant volunteer support to transitioning nonprofit
4. Attended open house at new recall office
5. Gathered signatures on recall petition; 9 hours total
6. Attended Get Out the Vote Rally
7. Voted
8. Continued to work my two part-time jobs
9. Published 3 blog posts
10. Meditated 6 times
11. Met with my meditation group for the first time in several weeks
12. Called three references for lead organizer candidate
13. Got one son and husband to the gym with me once each
14. Attended 2 yoga classes
15. Ran with new triathlon training partner
16. Attended triathlon training party with Sally Edwards
17. Had dinner date with my husband
18. Registered for upcoming 5K event
19. Got my last learning driver to driver's ed 5 times 
20. Had dinner out with one son

Last week's focus goal was "to complete Week 6, and two of the three sessions of Week 7 of the Couch Potato to 5K program."   I received some news early last week that gave me a bit more breathing room with respect to the May 1st 5K I am planning to participate in.  So I decided not to push my training, given its less than ideal conditions the past few weeks.  

Instead of accellerating Week 6's completion, and attempting to complete Week 7, I decided to adhere more sensibly to the Week 6 schedule.  I was able to complete the three prescribed sessions, and am feeling more confident of completing the program at this point.  I even had a chance to run outside for the first time in months, when Sunday brought us temperatures in the 80s.  It was a pleasure to begin training with my new partner.  I am looking forward to her return from Costa Rica, and to stepping up our routine. 

I believe that the most important thing I did last week was to turn in 3+ sheets of recall petition signatures.  If we are to stop the assault on programs and people I am concerned about in our state, we will need to act to restore our fractured democracy.  My state Senator has been at the forefront of the ongoing efforts to abridge rights and dismantle the social safety net for our most vulnerable citizens, all the while championing tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations.  She and her colleagues have gone far beyond anything the voters were led to expect when they took office.  And they have acted with cavalier disregard for the rules set up to protect the process, and the rights of citizens.  I am hopeful that we are close to completing our effort to give the voters an opportunity to register their reactions to this new reality.

And in the meantime, I will continue trying to find a balance I can live with as we go "Forward, not backward," to borrow one of our movement's chants, this one based on Wisconsin's state motto.

Way Off the Beaten Path, Again

Another late night, after another crazy day.  It seems that there are going to be a lot more of them in our immediate future.  I'm trying to learn to roll with it--but not to roll too far, too fast, or too erratically.  And not to lose sight of where I'm going.

Many of us experienced some pretty serious whiplash yesterday.  We began the day relaxing into the temporary euphoria of positive election results.  We shopped, cooked, paid bills, wrote blogs, walked our dogs, and caught up once more with the lives we've been putting on hold so often these past couple of months.

And then a very large bucket of cold water was delivered around dinner time, as roughly 7500 votes were "suddenly" discovered, reversing the outcome in the state's Supreme Court race more than twenty-four hours after our candidate had declared victory.

It's getting hard to remember the time when each day didn't bring one fresh outrage or another.  It's getting hard to remember my once relatively stable inner gyroscope.  

What good is a to-do list in a whirlwind?  


Like Scarlett, I intend to think about it mañana.  Unless the sky falls in.

After a Horse Race, Back on My Own Horse

I made up a new life rule this week:  

Anytime I 

1) put in a full day shift collecting recall signatures at a polling place for a "spring" election (that's what they call this chilly, needed-my-gloves-and-long-underwear season);  

2) then stay up way too late waiting to learn of my candidate's narrow (204 vote) victory (for whom I, of course, did not electioneer while collecting recall signatures); and 

3) do so while continuing to put in hours on my two paid jobs, I am allowed to put off blogging until I have recovered.

So invoking that new rule, I did not blog Tuesday or yesterday, when all my free time was spent glued to the horse race for Supreme Court Justice in Wisconsin.  

My obsessive self worries that, having broken my year-plus string of weekday blog posts, I will have weakened my commitment to being a serious blogger.   But even my two youngest kids, who take the usual young persons' stance toward adult preococupations, have exerted some energy to encourage me to slack off, and to lighten up about the possible downward slide.

I may attempt to make up the missing posts--and I may not.  Time, and personal energy, will tell.

This is not going to be a season of "business as usual," whatever that was.

Done for the Week: Yanking My Own Chain

The hectic pace of recent political action in Wisconsin slowed for me this past week.

Unfortunately, all the other life stuff I have been neglecting came burbling forth.  The list of broken things in our house grows daily, and my abortive efforts to orchestrate their repair have not kept pace.  Ditto with ongoing work responsibilities, financial affairs, extended family relationships, household upkeep, nutrition, personal maintenance, etc.

The trick, I believe, is to manage my perception of the situation so that the expanded time available to begin to deal with the backlog doesn't lead to feeling like I've been flattened by an avalanche.

Here's the list of what I got done last week--a lot less rallies, a few more chores.

Done for the Week:  Mar. 14-Mar.20

1. Continued off-season race training, learning to live with state of political chaos in Wisconsin; biked once, ran twice
2. Finished Rewrites:  A Memoir, by Neil Simon
3. Gave significant volunteer support to transitioning nonprofit; major I.T. contribution 
4. Continued to work on facilitating interviews for organizer position
5. Worked my two part-time jobs
6. Published 5 blog posts
7. Meditated 7 times!  (the "carrots" worked!)
8. Got my husband to the gym with me once; my son once
9. Attended transitional jobs collaborative meeting
10. Watched Treme episode with my husband
11. Watched our 2 teams play 3 basketball games, with my son and my husband
12. Began working on recall petitions
13. Played a few games of chess with my son--lost all
14. Attended 2 yoga classes
15. Met with website client
16. Celebrated St. Patrick's Day, one day late and two days late
17. Took one daytime nap, and got to bed "early" twice 
18. Helped my son get his car battery replaced
19. Got bad news about new plumbing problem, post-battery-replacement electrical problem with son's car
20. Cleaned, straightened and rearranged living room
21. Took my blood pressure three times, after phobic avoidance since last summer
22. Saw my doctor 
23. Took Sunday off; made waffles for family, meditated, ran, watched The Odd Couple with one son, and read
24. Paid the bills
25. Caught up on some of the mountain of laundry in my basement

Last week's focus goal, for the third week running, was "to meditate daily, no matter what."  And the week's most important accomplishment, in red, is finally focusing on my focus goal--thus, the Christmas-y look of item #7 above.  Apparently, I can be made to comply with my own directives--for a price.  My doctor seems to have understood this about me, since she got me in for the dreaded blood pressure recheck by withholding my refill scrip.

So how should I use this power over myself to best advantage?  What new manipulation can I come up with?  

For this week, I am going to focus on making sure that I complete the required three training sessions for Week 5 of the Couch Potato to 5K program that I am following, once again.  I have a "race" scheduled for May 1, which will give me a week pre-race to "taper."  I will reward myself with a Mexican Spice latte from my local coffee shop for each training session, and will allow no additional fancy tea or coffee drinks to touch my lips.  

My new sign:  "Will Run for Lattes"

Done for the Week: Still Marching

We're still at it in Wisconsin.  Week 5 and counting.  And anticipating counting for a long time to come.

This past week saw our legislature ram through a "non-fiscal" version of our Governor's proposed budget "repair" bill, which will have devastating impacts and multitudinous ripples throughout our state. Effects will officially begin to be felt as soon as our State's Secretary of State can be forced to publish it in the state's newspaper of record.  Already unprecedented numbers of public employees are rushing to retire before the law takes effect, seeking to abandon the sinking ship.  Lawsuits and investigations are multiplying, as every avenue is tried to block this package of measures, which will effectively neuter collective bargaining by state employees, cripple if not finish off public unions, undercut the Democratic party in this key state, put health care for the uninsured and medically underserved under the control of the executive branch of state government, and allow no-bid contracts for sale or lease of state-owned power plants by state administrators--among other distressing effects.

The process of passage of this bill was not a pretty sight.  It featured a Governor-orchestrated sneak attack which substituted a bill stripped of the fiscal items that would require a quorum--that quorum made impossible by the absence of 14 Democratic Senators.  In less than two hours, the bill had been announced, shoved through an abbreviated conference committee section over the vociferous objections of the Assembly minority leader, and passed by the Senate, too late to hit the evening news.  The Senate had voted unanimously not to print or read the bill before voting on it.  Only one Republican senator voted against it.  After it was passed, these trigger-happy Senators were escorted by police from the capitol building. 

The next day, the Assembly voted on the bill, in a similarly harried fashion.  Some Democratic representatives had to use windows to get into the building in order to vote, after being refused entrance by police attempting to keep people out.  Debate was cut short.  As it turned out, the no-bid contract feature was back in the Assembly version, having been omitted from the Senate version (who knew?  who could have found out, given the lack of a printed bill?).  This item was particularly abhorrent to those who were wise to the cronyism involved, and the fact that Koch industries already had job ads out for positions running these soon-to-be sold off state assets.

Needless to say, actions continue at fever pitch.

I keep hearing that we're going to be trading in our rally signs for clipboards, hitting the streets in recall efforts and focusing on key elections coming up on April 5.  And I keep answering the phone, and receiving calls to action in ongoing rallies. 

I continue to try to tend to my own life, with variable success. 

Done for the Week:  Mar. 7-Mar. 13

1. Continued off-season race training, still challenged by state of political chaos in Wisconsin; biked once (supplemented by lots of walking in demonstrations)
2. Finished The Return Journey, by Maeve Binchy
3. Gave significant volunteer support to transitioning nonprofit; major I.T. contribution 
4. Gave 1-1/2 days to facilitating interviews for organizer position
5. Worked my two part-time jobs
6. Published 5 blog posts
7. Meditated 4 times
8. Got my husband to the gym with me once
9. Attended meeting of committee to hire new organizer, and convened subcommittee to finalize interview questions
10. Had a movie date with my husband; saw The Adjustment Bureau
11. Watched our 2 teams play 2 basketball games, with my son and my husband
12. Attended 5 rallies, 4 locally and 1 in Madison--including two "homecoming" events for Fab 14 Senators; rubbed elbows with Jesse Jackson and Susan Sarandon
13. Played several games of chess with my son--lost all
14. Attended 1 yoga class
15. Had long breakfast with friend
16. Spent way too much time online, following unprecedented political events in my state, "working" Facebook, Twitter, and political sites, and updating my organization's website daily to reflect minute-by-minute scheduling 
17. Took one daytime nap, and got to bed "early" twice

Again, I'm going to say that rest and recreation--in red, above--were the most important items of business this past week.  A friend of mine remarked when I met up with her in Madison on Saturday, describing her reaction on opening her empty refrigerator, "You can't fight a war on an empty stomach."  And I can't stay in the battle without adequate sleep, and occasional refreshing diversion.


And again, I had a hard time keeping meditation in my sights, though my focus goal for the week was "to meditate daily, no matter what." 

Next week's focus goal--for the third, "charmed" time, I hope--will be to meditate daily, no matter what.

One for the History Books

 













On this dark day in Wisconsin's history, I am in mourning.   

In the last twenty-four hours, Republican legislators rammed through an alternative bill, after weeks of an impasse over the Governor's exceedingly unpopular proposed budget "repair" bill.  Because of the blitzkrieg nature of the passage of this bill, which stripped public workers of rights proudly held for over fifty years, no one seems to be entirely certain of what else is in the bill.  It seems likely that many of the things I care most deeply about and have worked hard for will be taking a serious hit.  Like health care for the poor and uninsured.  Like public transit, which would give low income workers in my community access to jobs.  Like health care for seniors, and the disabled.


When I woke up in the middle of the night last night, too angry and said and frustrated to sleep, I found a fellowship of the sleepless on Facebook, where we raged and commiserated and plotted.  Today I set a personal record for the number of separate demonstrations attended in one day--three. 


The next few days will bring more rallies, more work, and my first involvement with a recall effort.  In the course of this struggle, my state senator has hewed firmly to the Republican party line, going along with every quasi-legal maneuver, and mouthing the standard arguments.  On a recent radio program, I heard her say that she had never been more certain that she and her party were on the right course.  This, despite a process now ringed by police in riot gear, and a citizen in a wheelchair being forcibly removed from the building where she sought to be heard by her elected officials on a matter so important to her that she had been there for several hours.  This senator and I need a divorce.  Our differences are beyond irreconcilable.

It is hard not to be drawn into the pitched battle going on around me.  Yet I am uncomfortable with how we seem to be thinking and feeling about each other in Wisconsin, and beyond.  I am not really the Braveheart type.  I am clearly a partisan, but a quietly critical one, as I observe the contradictions within our patchy coalition.


For tonight, I need to retreat, to rest, to quiet the chants reverberating in my dreams.  Tired, but not defeated yet, is what democracy looks like tonight.

Done for the Week: Life in the Midst of Change

This is the beginning of Week 4 of the movement in Wisconsin to resist implementation of the new conservative agenda; to turn back the effort to crush organized labor and dismantle the social safety net for our most vulnerable citizens.  Again, not much time for everyday matters.

Here's what I got accomplished, somehow.

Done for the Week:  Feb. 28-Mar. 6

1. Continued off-season race training, continuing to be distracted by earth continuing to shift beneath my feet in Wisconsin; biked once, ran once (supplemented by lots of walking in demonstrations)
2. Finished The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder, by Rebecca Wells
3. Gave significant volunteer support to transitioning nonprofit; major I.T. contribution
4. Worked my two part-time jobs
5. Published 5 blog posts
6. Meditated 4 times
7. Got my husband and one son to the gym with me, once each
8. Attended meeting of committee to hire new organizer, and convened subcommittee to finalize interview questions
9. Met with UU Coming of Age mentee
10. Had a lunch date with my husband
11. Watched our 2 teams play 2 basketball games, with my son and my husband
12. Attended 2 demonstrations, 1 locally, and 1 in Madison; two large local rallies; and one breakfast with Jesse Jackson
13. Attended two yoga classes
14. Spent way too much time online, following political uprising in my state, "working" Facebook, Twitter, and political sites, and updating my organization's website to reflect on-the-ground scheduling 
15. Took one daytime nap, and got to bed "early" twice

Because we are going to be engaged in this project of democracy for the foreseeable future, I believe that the most important thing I did last week was to recognize my fatigue level, and to begin to address it with more rest. 


I did not do as well with my focus goal for the week, which was "to meditate daily, no matter what."  I continue to struggle with making time for meditation.  Applying last week's wisdom, I want to acknowledge my progress, however.  This week's number is one better than last week's.

Next week's focus goal--again--will be to meditate daily, no matter what. 

Life in Exigent Times

I woke up this morning thinking about the Wisconsin 14.  You know, that group of Wisconsin State Democratic Senators who left our state two weeks ago, in a desperate effort to prevent passage of Gov. Walker's union-busting budget "repair" bill.  Variously known, to the Fox News/Tea Party crowd, as "Fleebaggers: The New Cut-and-Run Democrats."

Rumors have been flying that some undetermined number of this brave group want to come home, and may break, or have already broken ranks with their colleagues.  I hope this is not the case.  And more than hoping, I have been signing letters of support, standing on street corners in the cold celebrating their stand, and sending money to be used as needed to support their productive absence.  

But I have had my life interrupted by enough unanticipated departures from normal that I can begin to imagine what they may be going through. 

There were "days of rage" and riots in my youth, when national and international events caused reactions that brought all else to a halt.  There have been several of those times of illness and death that we all eventually experience in life, when work commitments were abandoned, days rearranged, and everything fell away but the focused-upon crisis.  Some of these were protracted in my own life, and nothing was ordinary for weeks, and even months.  There was Katrina, which became a national obsession, as it blew my family members to Mississippi, and to Texas, and eventually brought my frail elderly parents to an involuntary sojourn in my home for several months.  

And there is this moment in the history of my state, and our society.  Every day brings a new round of meetings, demonstrations, and horrific new announcements and developments.  We are in a state of collective shock.  I have talked with many people who say they are having trouble attending to anything besides the spectacle that is our state government these days, and the mobilization of its citizenry.

I have watched our 14 Democratic Senators giving interviews on national TV, and have followed their tweets.  I have learned the barest details of their circumstances.  I have particular concern for Sen. Julie Lassa, six months pregnant and separated from her children, ages three and six.  And for Sen. Jon Erpenbach, described thusly in an article in today's Capitol Times:

Erpenbach looks exhausted.  His hair is tousled and his clothes are rumpled. This is the fourth hotel he has been to in nine nights in his effort to stay ahead of the folks trying to track him down. He is registered under a fake name. “I hate all this James Bond stuff,” he says.

His parents, he says, are paying the bills. He grabs a cup of free coffee from the hotel lobby. He’s been living off of it and other freebies.

He says a hotel maid handed him a stick of deodorant from the house-cleaning cart a few days ago. He’s also grabbed a few little tubes of toothpaste. The other night he got a real deal for dinner. Turns out, happy hour is easy on the wallet. He got five “slider” hamburgers for five bucks.

Friday night, he says, was the first time in a week he had a few moments to himself. He did his laundry, ordered pizza for dinner, and stayed in his room.

He’s been living on the contents of what he stuffed into a duffel bag before making his escape: a couple of pairs of pants, a few pairs of underwear (so few he had to buy extras at a discount store) and his toothbrush.

This is a man who is way past concern with his familiar to-do lists.

Pressure is mounting on this group, as Gov. Walker and his Republican allies try to force their return.  Their paychecks are being held until they show up to collect them.  The Senate today passed a bill that will fine them each $100 for every day that they fail to attend a legislative session.  Last week, the Governor shared with a blogger who had duped Walker into believing he was a billionaire contributor his plan to ratchet up the consequences for the absent Senators, and for capitol protestors, until his bill is passed.  He alluded to his intention to trick the Senators into coming back by pretending to be interested in negotiating, and then proceeding to a vote once their presence had established the necessary quorum.

I anticipate that this particular exigent state shall pass, as all things eventually must, for the Fab 14 and for the beleaguered citizens of my state.  But it is not clear at this point how, and when, that might happen.  It seems as if these fourteen individuals are alone in having any power to hold back the coming deluge of cuts and reverses.  

It would be cruel to expect them to stay away forever.  But their actions to date have had the intended effect of buying time for the people to become informed and to begin to organize to resist the sweeping changes planned for us.  At this point, every day that they can remain where they are allows the people's movement to grow stronger.


I am sure that the interruption of their usual responsibilities and relationships is costing each of them dearly.  I would hope that all of us can recognize that the history we are making--that we did not necessarily choose to have to make--takes precedence for now.  

As this goes on, we will have to learn to live in and outside of our ordinary realities.  We have a long fight ahead of us.  

My deepest appreciation to the Fab 14 for their leadership and their sacrifice.

This (Too) is What Democracy Looks Like

The revolution is seriously messing with my to do list. 

In the last six days, I have been to the capitol twice, and spent two late afternoons in our city's downtown, carrying signs and yelling with others who share my outrage at our Governor's far-reaching proposals supposedly aimed at dealing with a budget "crisis" that some have called "ginned up."  As the world watches, and momentum builds, many of us living at this epicenter of would-be Republican world-changing are experiencing our own "new normal."  It looks like this.

Wake to an alarm set an hour or two earlier than usual.  Dress in layers, to accommodate indoor and outdoor protest venues, in the alternating blizzard and thaw conditions of late February in Wisconsin.  Drink enough coffee to wake up, but not so much that nature will call inconveniently while you are manning the barricades.  Travel light.  In my case, this has meant turning my many-pocketed down coat into a Captain Kangaroo-style purse alternative.  Cell phone.  Driver's License (in case of arrest).  Credit card (in case of starvation).  Cough drops, to sooth the chanted-out throat.  A small book fits in one outside pocket.  I have not yet had time to read it.

To sign, or not to sign?  Using mittened hands to defend a placard from the wind and constant jostling can compromise circulation.  If you need a sign, and cannot afford (the time to make) one, a sign will be provided for you, courtesy of the many groups supplying ready-made slogans, or those who have abandoned theirs in order to enter the capitol, where signs on sticks are prohibited.  But if you do make your own, you want it to be worthy of the competition.  Sign witticism is a spinoff art form of these "days of (out)rage."

On some days, you determine that you can't be spared from your appointed rounds, and they start the revolution without you.  You might as well be there.  You steal whatever time you can manage to indulge your new obsession, scrounging scraps of news from Facebook, Twitter, political sites, email, TV video feeds, blogs and online magazines and newspapers.  You pass on what you learn, posting "scoops," "breaking news," useful information, and the occasional opinion or snarky remark.  Your eyes glaze over, and your head hurts.  You fall asleep watching the interminable assembly debates on amendments, substantive and otherwise, conjured by Democrats desperate to halt the process and to salvage what they can from the expected eventual outcome.

You wake with a tension headache, to add to your protest-related maladies--aching joints from uninterrupted standing, hoarseness, etc.  You cram your former life into the spaces between rallies, abbreviating workouts, grabbing meals on the run, turning a blind eye to the domestic disorder resulting from neglect.  You field Facebook messages like this one:  

Share! We'd like brief emails NOW from WI residents, especially
non-Madison residents, who've made the trek to the Capitol to protest
this bill. Submit your brief message tonight sharing what you'd like
Assembly Republicans to hear & know as they prepare to vote on this
...bill. Your message might be read outloud from the Assembly floor!See More

or this one:

If you've been in the Capitol this week...

...You Should be Heard!   Assembly Democrats have been fighting around the clock to defeat the Governor's budget "repair" bill. Since Gov. Walker & legislative Republicans have shut down the public's opportunity to be heard on this unpcredented bill, Rep....

or this one:

[friend's name] knows its really hard - but please, if you can, keep going to madison and get your friends or family or someone to go too! We need to replenish those intrepid protestors!!!

[all spelling/typing original to Facebook!]

You burn through hours signing online petitions, calling and emailing legislators, and making contributions to the "Fab 14"--whose paychecks are being withheld, whose homes are being dogged by state troopers, and whose personal and campaign resources must be dwindling as they enter week two of their enforced "vacation" in balmy northern Illinois (where one legislator today suggested they should be subject to Illinois state income tax while sojourning in the Land of Lincoln.  The state nicknamed after our illustrious 16th president who, as everyone surely knows by now, once leapt from the window of his 19th century Illinois statehouse to avoid a vote.)  You meet with church members to craft a statement against the proposed legislation.  You are assigned to draft a statement for your employing social justice organization.

Much is happening, in this new normal state, but not much is getting done.  Both sides are dug in, it would seem, for the long haul.  I imagine we'll get better at this as we go.

This weekend, my husband and I plan to celebrate our anniversary at a sleepover in the capitol.  New, certainly.  Normal?  Hardly. 

Procrastinating 101--Postponed Until Tomorrow

I have been up for 16-1/2 hours.  11-1/2 of those hours were spent travelling to Madison and back and participating in demonstrations there.  Another 3 were spent travelling to my church and back, hammering out a statement opposing our Governor's budget bill and planning a teach-in on the bill.  Another hour was spent catching up on news of the day.

No time and no energy are left to write my intended post today. 

Tomorrow, I will consider what Joseph Ferrari says about how we procrastinators are our own worst enemy.  Tonight, I feel that if this is so, Scott Walker and his cronies are giving our enemy selves a run for our money.  

Actually, they are easily expressing more enmity for my fellow citizens and me than we could possibly summon up against ourselves.  

As I will need my energy for the struggle ahead, I am going to bed now.  Tomorrow--that best friend of the procrastinator--is a good time to do today's other work.

Done for the Week: Getting Stuff Done Anyway

As I wrote last Friday, I was not particularly successful at keeping my wheels on the rails last week.  Again.  

A fair amount of stuff still got done, as this list details.

Done for the Week:  Feb. 14-20

1. Continued off-season race training, distracted by earth shifting beneath my feet in Wisconsin; biked once
2. Finished The Choir, by Joanna Trollope
3. Stepped up volunteer support to transitioning nonprofit, due to death in colleague's family
4. Attended viewing, funeral, graveside service, and repast
5. Worked my two part-time jobs
6. Published 5 blog posts
7. Wrote 1 Gratitude Journal entry
8. Meditated 2 times
9. Attended transitional jobs meeting
10. Celebrated middle child's Valentine's Day birthday--twice
11. Went to the movies with my two sons
12. Had a lunch date with my husband
13. Watched Treme with my husband
14. Watched our 2 teams play 2 basketball games, with my son and my husband
15. Demonstrated locally, and in Madison, with my son and my husband respectively
16. Attended two yoga classes
17. Learned some more new html tricks
18. Took my dog to the dog park, with my son and grandson
19. Spent one of two scheduled sessions on "novelling"
20. Spent way too much time online, following political uprising in my state, "working" Facebook, Twitter, and political sites, and updating my organization's website to reflect on-the-ground scheduling 
21. Spent an hour beginning assault on our basement with my son
22. Reconnected with my brother

As I look over the list above, the time I spent with family, in red, seems most important to me.  The birthday we celebrated reminded me of the impending emptying of the nest I've been watching over for 33+ years.  I work at remembering to enjoy the time I still have under the same roof or in the same zip code with all my children.    
 

Last week's focus goal was the same as the week before--to "ease into the coming week, and to resist getting drawn into the vortex of other people's agendas."  One protestor's sign I saw gave my state's Governor F's in Listening, Math, and Playing Well With Others; I have to say I deserve the same failing grade in keeping my nose to the grindstones I've assigned myself to tend.  The death of my colleague's brother derailed plans on two consecutive days, and an explosion of democracy took much of my energy and attention on the rest.  (See Stopping for Death, and Stopping for Stupidity.)  We're still trying to decide if we're a Midwestern Egypt here in Wisconsin, so I don't expect things to settle down soon.  I'm just going to try to go with the flow, or the seemingly unending snow, or whatever else is coming my way.  

Next week's focus goal will be to meditate daily, no matter what.  For the rest, I'll be trying to hang onto the strap through the present wild ride.

Best Laid Plans Meet History-Making Occurrences

My elephant is in revolt today.  


It has thrown off my rider, who sits dazed, in the dust, wondering what happened.  And the pachyderm has plunked itself down right beside her, refusing to budge.


If you read my earlier post on the work of the Heath brothers, Dan and Chip, and specifically their book Switch:  How to Change Things When Change is Hard--or if you found your way to their thoughts on your own--you may recognize the elephant and rider metaphor they borrowed from Jonathan Haidt (The Happiness Hypothesis).  The elephant, you'll recall, represents our emotional self and the rider our rational side.  And these two have to have a workable arrangement if we are to move forward, or in any intended direction, for that matter.


Watching in a somewhat--okay, a completely--obsessive state the various dramas unfolding around me these past days, at the state, national and international levels, I am left wondering about the sense of following my little plans, or even my relatively grander ones.  Events, it seems, defeats, changes, and even accomplishments can come flying in from left field.  


I suppose I feel a little like I remember feeling many years ago after viewing a documentary in my then-husband's astronomy class.  The film took the viewer from the vastness of deep space, with its black holes, red dwarfs and quarks, to the microscopic worlds of cell life, and micro organisms.  The photography was breathtaking.  And at the end, I experienced something like a case of the psychological bends.  I felt simultaneously infinitesimal and insignificant, and planetary and profound.  It was dizzying.


And I wasn't sure if it mattered if I roused myself to leave the seat from which I had watched the hour-long spectacle.  Ever.  But I did.


I assume that my elephant and rider will eventually patch things up.  They usually do.  In the meantime, I'm in the wind, following the current.  This evening, I was blown to the streets, to yell myself hoarse about "what democracy looks like," while the literal wind whipped my face, and my sign about trampling on workers smacked me in the head more than once.


Tomorrow, I will be in Madison.  And after that?  It seems we are all subject to forces we can't foresee.


Later, for our plans.