Hot and Bothered

Yesterday was the first day of spring.  Where I live, the temperature was a record-breaking 83 degrees F.  And today, the record set yesterday was broken when temperatures reached 84.  This comes at the tail of a record-setting string of March days above 70 degrees.

While the unseasonably warm weather has been mostly enjoyable, it is also worrisome.  And I gather, from what I've been reading in the brain science literature, that I am unlikely to be the only one who is "going there" in these unusual circumstances--our brains being wired, as they are, to respond anxiously and to look for the dark side.

So what am I worried about?

Well, of course, there's the whole global warming thing.  As I shed my accustomed layers, I can't help but think of Al Gore's friend, the boiling frog.  Having taking my share of science classes, I get that we shouldn't freak out about a strong trend that may prove to be insignificant in the long run.  But still . . .

And then there is my immediate concern with the flora in my region, my neighborhood, and my yard.  On NPR's All Things Considered last week, in a segment entitled "What's the Impact of Early Blooms?," Melissa Block interviewed Jake Weltzin, an ecologist and the executive director of the USA National Phenology Network.  Phenology, Block informed her listeners, is the the study of the effect of climate on the life cycles of plants and animals.  Phenologist Weltzin told us that

We are seeing strong trends almost wherever we look.  In the last decade, we're actually now starting to be able to say OK, well, we see patterns of plants and animals coming earlier.  And we have better and better climatological records, temperature records, and we can start to link those together.  And there's a paper coming out it seems every week now that's saying OK, here's a trend in bees coming out 10 days earlier over the last 130 years, and we can attribute that to warming temperatures.

When Ms. Block asked "If a plant or tree does bloom or leaf out early, does that affect its seasonal cycle for the rest of the year?," Dr. Weltzin answered, it seems to me ominously, that

We don't really know for a lot of plants. And we're just starting to get that information organized. Some plants do, indeed, have a deterministic life cycle, which means that if they come up early they will shut down early. Others are indeterministic and they'll grow and grow and grow all season long.

He was clearer about bugs, asserting that early bug growth is correlated with early plant growth, and that scientists are concerned about more problems from "bad bugs" this summer--like the mosquitoes who carry West Nile virus, for example.

On Monday, I opened the local paper to learn that "Wisconsin maple producers endure worst year in memory," answering Friday's question from a Yahoo contributor "Will an Early Spring Ruin Your Pancakes?  Yes, apparently.


On top of global warming, plants and bugs running amok, and the end of breakfast as we knew it, there is my fear of a blisteringly hot summer.  Again, I am not alone, as readers and callers, columnists and bloggers and weather analysts have expressed this apprehension.  And again, "scientific" study yields little in the way of clarity or prediction.  All seem agreed.  This summer may be hotter than usual.  And it may not be.

So to review.  We are probably experiencing global warming, but we kind of knew that, right?  The plants and trees are all screwed up, and we're in for a swarm of bugs, which were already in evidence in my grandchildren's backyard yesterday--several weeks ahead of schedule.  And it may or may not be extra hot this summer.

All of this should probably not stop me from enjoying the blooming violets and primroses encountered on my walk today; or the reprieve from wearing the heavy winter coat I'm entirely sick of after six months; or the opportunity to sit in the grass with my summer clad grandkids this afternoon.  Indeed, neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, author of Buddha's Brain:  The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom advises us to soak up such positive sensations and experiences to counteract that negativity that is our brain's natural state. 

So I guess I'll just have to suck it up and deal with the balminess, the sunshine, and the gift of this crazy unseasonal season.  And anyway, it's supposed to rain tomorrow.

Procrastinating 101: Lateness as an Evasive Move

Available from Zazzle

Procrastinating 101 again.  (Funny how nearly two years into this little online seminar, we're still at the survey level, the introductory 101.  But then we are still accommodating late arrivals.  And some of us--ahem--are still working on basic knowledge and skills, even after all this time.) 

This week, we are focusing on "Cure Seven:  Respect Yourself," in Diana DeLonzor's prescriptive Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged.  Theoretically, if we have been employing DeLonzor's good advice, we should be nearly cured by now.  I suspect, however, that some cases may prove a bit more intransigent.

The current chapter paints a portrait of The Evader latenik which many of us will recognize.  Ms. DeLonzor tells us this kind of problem with showing up on time is really all about low self-esteem, which can contribute to punctuality difficulties in one of three main ways:

• When you suffer from low self-esteem, you tend to expect less of yourself.  Because of those low expectations, you may set lower standards for the way in which you live your life.  Chronic lateness, unreliability, and procrastination can be part of those lower-than-normal standards.

• Low self-esteem can cause feelings of anxiety or depression, prompting you to engage in the type of actions I refer to [as] the "evader syndrome," in an effort to relieve that anxiety.  The urge to soothe yourself can take priority over being on time.

• Low self-esteem can cause you to fear success or failure and to engage in what is known as "self-handicapping."

No self-assessment quiz this week.  I guess we're expected to "know it when we see it."  Though I would venture to say that I know lots of people whose self-esteem is low enough that they would compliantly apply virtually any negative label to their own behavior, but who are not, in my view, especially prone to lateness.

DeLonzor advises this five-pronged strategy for improving the condition--evasive lateness--if it indeed inflicts us. 

• Expect more from yourself--do what you know is right.
• Learn to manage your anxiety.
• Overcome fear of sucess or failure by challenging yourself.
• Do something you love.
• Build and maintain friendships and family ties.

As we have come to expect, Ms. DeLonzor presents a series of "exercises" which she says will help us begin to improve our self-esteem, and to change the lateness behaviors that stem from its less than ideal state.  I can already give myself credit for having practiced one of them religiously for years, though in isolation it has not yet had the effect of making me more punctual.  Here's how she describes it:

Let go of perfectionism.  Every day for the next week [or for several years] practice leaving the house or office without making things perfect.  You might leave the bed unmade or your desk in a mess [or the entire place looking like a cyclone has hit it].  Notice how it feels to "chill out" and let things go.  You'll probably find it liberating.  [I don't.]

 So, one down.  What else can I do to effect this "cure?"  Oh, yeah.  The exercise that would have us doing something courageous, something outside our oft-noted "comfort zone."  Like oh, say, competing in a triathlon, or two?  Been there, done that, still late for too many important things--though not for the race.

In fact, as I look over DeLonzor's list of 13 exercises, designed to help us begin to implement her five-pronged approach to a cure for low-self-esteem-based lateness,  I see that I have been doing much of what she suggests--recognizing negative self-talk; replacing it with positive self-talk; identifying my purpose and setting short-term goals related to it; nurturing relationships with family and friends.  Perhaps the difficulty is that I haven't been specifically targeting lateness.  DeLonzor does concede that some of us may have gotten to a point in life where our self-esteem level is fairly reasonable, but we may retain some residual habits and patterns which originated with since-resolved self-esteem issues. 

At this point in our reading of DeLonzor's book, we have run through all seven of the promised cures.  And I am coming to the conclusion that my lateness problem may have been caused originally by nearly all of the syndromes and character defects she outlines.  But the real difficulty is the habit of lateness that is deeply ingrained in me.  I believe that "treating" or "curing" whatever may have caused my lateness in the first place will not be enough to make me on time.  I need to change my habits.

But Ms. DeLonzor is one step ahead of me.  Next week's chapter:  "A Few Words on Habit Changing."

Done for the Week: Crossing the Finish Line

Back from my day at the races.  But not back to earth.  Not yet.  And not for a while, if I can help it.

Here's the story of what I got done last week: 

Done for the Week:  Aug. 15-21, 2011

1. Completed Week 15 of 15-week triathlon training program, resting for race; ran twice; biked once; swam twice
2. Worked out and meditated several times with my training partner
3. Attended second Open Water Swim class
4. Swam across the lake--sort of 
5. Rented new, larger, more life-sustaining wetsuit (unlike the one I own, this one permits breathing, which I've come to appreciate--the hard way!)
6. Continued working on pre-race anxiety, mental training, pre-race nutrition and hydration
7. Packed to leave town for the race
8. Picked up race packet; bought stuff at the expo 
9. Shared pre-race dinner with my husband and training partner
10. Did gear check with my training partner
11. Finished the race!!!  Beat even my stretch goal
12. Celebrated with my training partner and friend, who also finished with strength and grace
13. Attended triathlon camp reunion, post-race
14. Helped youngest son prepare for first long-distance flight on his own
15. Finished No Death, No Fear:  Comforting Wisdom for Life, by Thich Nhat Hanh
16. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
17. Provided technical assistance to nonprofit organization
18. Meditated four times
19. Published 1 blog post
20. Continued reading Elizabeth George's In Pursuit of the Proper Sinner aloud with my husband
21. Continued work on current clients' projects
22. Attended Issues Night
23. Attended Jobs Prayer Vigil
24. Paid the monthly bills
25. Accomplished major cleaning/decluttering/rearrangement of main work room
26. Did laundry

Last week's focus goal was to "finish my training using the less-is-more and self-nurturing approach appropriate to the final days before the race."  Did that. 

Tuesday evening's pre-race swim across the lake proved even more of a hurdle than I had anticipated.  Last Monday I wrote about this planned workout that "I intend to get to the other side by any means necessary."  And by Tuesday night, I had delivered on that prediction.  The "means necessary" turned out to include yelling "Help!" in the middle of the lake when my extra small wetsuit and this year's two additional pounds combined in a way that was literally breathtaking.  After the motor boat came to my rescue, and I had regained my breath, but not my cool, I transversed about a third of the race distance using a "noodle."  Thus I joined the ranks of what my partner referred to as the "noodle girls."  A humbling, and scary experience overall.

Subsequent race preparation made room for learning all I could about how wetsuits can restrict breathing and contribute to panic attacks in the open water swim portion of a triathlon.  This led to re-thinking my sausage casing of a wetsuit, and deciding to rent one a size larger.  I also crammed in a short session in the pool on Friday trying out the borrowed suit.  The result?  I could breathe on race day, and made it all the way across the lake , without stopping to rest, or switching from freestyle.    Spent my way out a dilemma, but it was soooo worth it.

Last week's most important accomplishment--hands down--was finishing the triathlon.  Once again, I surprised myself by doing better than I expected.  I took 4:44 off the swim; 1:03 off T1 (the time spent shedding the wetsuit; getting on shoes, socks, helmet, Camelbak, and sunglasses; and, unfortunately discovering I had forgotten to unlock my bike before the race); 1:06 off T2 (bike to run); and 2:22 off last year's run time.  I added 1:18 to my bike time, but race officials had added 1.5 miles to the course this year.  My pace was just shy of 2 mph faster.  My net gain put me at 2:00:35--36 seconds over my "dream" goal of breaking 2 hours, nearly 2-1/2 minutes under my stretch goal of 2:03:00, and 4-1/2 minutes under the 2:05:00 I thought I would do.

Needless to say, I am ecstatic!  In my second tri, I moved from the back of the back of the pack, to a position near the middle--and in the top third of my age group. 

For today, I'm resting on my . . . ahem, laurels.  

My goal for the week:  come down gently, and as little as possible, from Cloud 9-3/4.

Done for the Week: Nearing the Home Stretch

As soon as we can manage it, my husband and I plan to see the heralded movie Crazy, Stupid, Love.  Life here lately has been all three.

In the midst of it all, I'm still managing to get some things done--and not others.



Done for the Week:  Aug. 1-7, 2011

1. Completed Week 13 of 15-week triathlon training program; ran twice; swam three times; biked twice
2. Worked out several times with my training partner
3. Attended first rained-out Open Water Swim class
4. Began working on pre-race anxiety, mental training
5. Purchased new hydration system for biking
6. Revised race goals
7. Finished The Purple Culture, by Stephen Boehrer
8. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
9. Provided technical assistance to nonprofit organization
10. Meditated once
11. Published 1 blog post 
12. Shared Happy Hour dinner with my husband
13. Continued reading Elizabeth George's In Pursuit of the Proper Sinner aloud with my husband
14. Met with new web client, finalized agreement; worked on project
15. Met with current web client; worked on project
16. Worked for recall candidate several times
17. Voted early with my husband, and accompanied son to vote early
18. Helped family member with minor medical crisis
19. Attended grandson's birthday party
20. Made continued progress in cleaning/straightening/decluttering living room & family room 
21. Worked with my husband on major push to clean/straighten/declutter kitchen
22. Shopped for (nearly unaffordable) groceries with my son
23. Did laundry

Last week's most important accomplishment, as the week before, was all the effort I put into getting ready for the triathlon.  And last week's focus goal was to give triathlon the attention and the energy it deserves, and to relish its gifts and take in its lessons.  Triathlon is beginning to take its rightful place at the top of my list of priorities most days, as it will need to for the remaining 13 days before the race.  And I am starting to feel excited, as well as nervous. 

I had hoped to beat last year's time by 8+ minutes, bringing my overall time under 2 hours.  Last week I learned that the bike course had been lengthened by 1.5 miles, which will most likely pretty much trump my new, faster bike.  My times in each event are slightly faster this year, from what I can gauge in training.  But probably not enough faster to get me in under 2 hours. 

 I hope to take 2-1/2 minutes off my swim time, 29 seconds off my first transition, 28 seconds off my second transition, almost 3 minutes off my run time, and to finish the biking course in 54 minutes (improving last year's pace by 1.5 mph).  That's the stretch goal, which would bring my overall time to 2:03.  I would be really happy with 2:05.  (Pretty slow for a sprint triathlon, but way faster than the people my age who are sitting on a couch on a Sunday morning in August!)

Oh, and not to be forgotten, the essential goal of having fun!

This week's focus goal will be to return to the regular practice of meditation as an aid in taming the nerves I am starting to feel.  It should also help keep me more balanced as our recall election, and this phase of the long crazy political journey we are on, conclude in the next two days.  

As to that, I'm keeping my fingers and toes, but not my eyes, crossed.  Time to take our state government back!

Done for the Week: Whose Life Is This, Anyway?

I'm still having trouble showing up for my life with the conscientiousness that I have taught others to expect from me. 

I guess that's the problem, really.  Too much of my life is still ruled by what others want/need from me.  And the degree of resentment that I feel about this is sapping my will.  

Here's what I got done last week, whoever it was for:

Done for the Week:  May 2 - 8, 2011

1. Continued race training
2. Ran twice with my training partner 
3. Signed up for day-long triathlon camp 
4. Finished An Almost Perfect Moment, by Binnie Kirshenbaum
5. Attended Search Committee meeting
6. Attended campaign announcement for state senate recall election
7. Continued to work my two part-time jobs
8. Published 4 blog posts
9. Arranged first trip alone with my husband in far too many years
10. Attended 2 yoga classes
11. Cooked twice
12. Shopped for groceries
13. Caught up on laundry
14. Watched two playoff basketball games with my sons and husband
15. Purchased new flowers--forget-me-nots, columbine, pansies, hanging basket of petunias
16. Spent many hours picking up glass shards remaining in our yard from a glass table shattered in a windstorm 
17. Had my daughter and her husband and son over for dinner twice, including Mother's Day
18. Picked out new computer (my husband's Mother's Day present to me), and set it up, fighting through feelings of guilt and undeservingness
19. Had a wonderful Mother's Day lunch with my sons and husband and dog
20. Watched two Treme episodes with my husband

Last week's focus goal was to "focus on transitioning to triathlon training, in preparation for the Danskin Triathlon on August 21."  
 
Toward this end, I ran with my training partner, signed up for a day-long tri camp this coming weekend, and began reading Sally Edwards' book Be a Better Runner.  I also located the training plan I used last year, updated it, and shared it with my partner. A fair amount of tweaking will be needed as I negotiate at least two upcoming trips, accommodate meetings and family obligations, and deal with an intemperate spring and whatever kind of summer it will morph into.  At the moment, I'm having a mild case of the tri-willies, which I know from my limited experience is part of the sport, at least for me.  The race is fifteen weeks away! 

The most important thing I got done over the last two weeks was scheduling a trip for my husband and me to Seattle, in the first week of June.  This will be the first time we have travelled any distance without our children--ever!  My husband didn't really believe we would actually manage to pull this particular trigger, and Amtrak needed some persuading to help with their part, involving a complicated point redemption/purchase/sharing procedure.  But it's done, and we're booked, and barring any. . . well, actually, let's not go there.

My focus goal for the coming week is to return to daily meditating.  Regular readers may note the total absence of any meditation sessions last week.  Not a good thing, and probably not unrelated to an increase in anxiety and depression; although the lousy weather, too much solitaire, months of overwork and a messy house deserve some of the credit. 

Wishing all of us a good week. . .

Done for the Week: Waiting for the Thaw

I'm slowly coming back from hitting the wall, in terms of my level of activity.  This past week, I had a bit more energy, perhaps because of the physical exercise I got.

Spring is teasing us here in Wisconsin.  After temperatures in the 80s on Sunday, the rest of last week brought a chill wind, some rain, and even snow flurries on Saturday.  All of my outdoor rallies and ventures in petition circulation have taken place in the cold--no friend to my Raynaud's syndrome.  Hence, the whitened fingers with which I have held signs and extended pens and clipboards.  And the frozen toes on which I have marched and stood and walked. 

This morning, I awoke to snow on the ground.

This is what I got done last week, in this inclement season.

Done for the Week:  April 11-17

1. Continued off-season race training; completed Week 7 of C2K--three training sessions
2. Finished Sepulchre, by Kate Mosse
3. Continued significant volunteer support to transitioning nonprofit
4. Attended state Joint Finance Hearing on Governor's proposed biennial budget
5. Attended budget protest rally
6. Circulated recall petition door to door; 3 hours total
7. Attended Board Meeting
8. Attended Issues Night
9. Attended Good Jobs & Livable Neighborhoods meeting
10. Continued to work my two part-time jobs
11. Published 4 blog posts
12. Meditated 7 times
13. Participated in interviews of two finalists for Lead Organizer position, and in hiring recommendation
14. Got one son and husband to the gym with me once each
15. Attended 2 yoga classes
16. Had dinner date with my husband
17. Got my last learning driver to driver's ed 5 times 
18. Shopped for groceries
19. Cooked
20. Caught up on laundry
21. Took son shopping for clothes
22. Drove son to DMV, and signed as sponsor for learner's permit
23. Watched basketball with husband and sons, including first playoff game of one of the two teams we root for
24. Saw my therapist
25. Tracked down and took steps to resolve one son's termination from our health insurance 
26. Paid brief visit to sick grandson
27. Paid our monthly bills
28. Kept my household checking account out of the red for another month
29. Met with website client

Apparently, I neglected to record a focus goal for last week.  My intended goal, however, was to complete Week 7 of the Couch Potato to 5K training program, which I did.   

I continue to struggle to find time for the training, given all that's going on.  I am exhausted too much of the time.  Combined with early morning meetings, and other commitments, which push available training time later in the day, I am drawing heavily on my reserves of perseverance.  But I am more consistently in the zone of reaching my minimal goal than I was just a few weeks ago.  For next week, my focus goal will be to complete the C25K Week 8, and to spread the three required sessions more evenly over the week.

Meeting last week's focus goal was, in my opinion, also the most important thing I got done over the last seven days--which is why item 1 on the list above is not only highlighted in green, but appears in red text.

I am certainly not the only one who battles a chronic low-level depression these days.  Nor am I alone in experiencing difficult moods in the spring.  Exercise and meditation are the most effective approaches I have found to dealing with feeling sad, overwhelmed, and edgy, as I have recently.  So I intend to keep making time for these essential remedies, particularly in my currently stress-filled circumstances.

We are living in uncertain, and contentious times.  I would amend the bumper sticker/button/coffee mug saying, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention," to read "If you're not anxious and depressed, you're not paying attention."  But maybe that's just me.  In any case, I'm aiming for tolerable mood and energy, enough to keep me carrying my share of the load and believing in the possibility of a better day, and better conditions for all.  Bliss seems out of the question at this time.  I will, however, be glad to see the sun and some mild weather, when they finally show up.

Done for the Week: My Heart's Desire

A big week.  One I have been building toward for the last few months.  The road has been long, and twisting, and--like the bike portion of the triathlon, had a pretty steep hill toward the end.  But I reached the goal I have been working to believe in since last fall.  The rest of the stuff on this list is pretty much gravy.


Done List--Week of Aug. 16-22

1. Finished Week 14 of revised 14-week Sprint Triathlon training plan--0 weeks to go!
2. Attended last Open Water Swim Clinic
3. Completed gear assembly and preparation
4. Finished Sprint Triathlon
5. Finished Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair, by Pablo Neruda
6. Continued significant support to transitioning nonprofit organization
7. Attended fund-raiser for same
8. Worked my two part-time jobs
9. Published 5 blog posts
10. Meditated 4 times
11. Wrote 5 Gratitude Journal entries
12. Wrote 3 Morning Pages
13. Continued cleaning campaign
14. Attended 1 yoga class
15. Went out with my husband for Happy Hour; continued reading aloud Elizabeth George's In the Presence of the Enemy; saw Eat, Pray, Love together in my post-race stupor
16. Called my Mom
17. Paid some overdue health bills

So, did I mention I finished the triathlon?  You may recall that preparing for and completing the triathlon has been my focus goal for the last several weeks--thus highlighted in green above.  And because finishing the race is also my most important accomplishment of the last week, item #4 on the list above also appears in red, with apologies for the Christmasy colors in conjunction with the fireworks graphic, resulting in a bit of a holiday discord.

Before the triathlon, on Saturday, I wrote the following list of goals for the race:

Making it to the first swim platform

Enjoying some part of each segment

Finishing

Being good to myself

Positive self-talk

Noticing the beautiful day

Feeling good about and for all the participants

Giving myself credit for the effort

Managing my fear compassionately

My life doesn't usually go this way--at least not of late--but I graced with reaching all of them--and with exceeding them beyond my wildest dreams.  That is not to say that I set any land speed records.  In fact, I came in 1351st in a field of 1500, 17th of 25 in my age group.  But I had expected the 1/2 mile swim, 12 mile bike, and 3 mile run to take me around 2 hours and 45 minutes, including "transitions,"--the periods between the swim and the bike, and the bike and the run.  My "stretch" goal was to finish under 2-1/2 hours.  My actual time was 2:08!

The biggest surprise was the swim.  I had been dreading the open water swim ever since learning how many triathletes experience panic attacks during the swim.  I am a veteran of panic attacks, and try assiduously to avoid them, and, as I learned to say as a Catholic child, "the occasion of. . ." not sin, but panic attacks.  I had decided to rely on a swim angel, provided in this beginner-friendly race venue, specifically for women who are nervous about the open water.  So when my wave entered the water, I was paired with a woman who pledged to see me across the lake--along with another nervous swimmer.  Two nail-biters to each angel.

The woman who shared my angel got into trouble early on.  As she struggled, becoming more and more panicky, I treaded water, and even reversed course, to stay with her and our angel.  Part of the time, I was providing moral support to my fellow triathlete.  Finally, as the minutes ticked by and I made no progress across the lake, which was my only access to the rest of the race, I decided to swim on my own.  I learned later that the other woman was eventually transported out of the water by boat, and could not complete the race.  I was the lucky one.  I made it to the other side of the lake, even with the lost time, in less time than I had been able to swim the distance in a pool.  I stopped at none of the six platforms, though I did nearly swim into one.

I am sore and tired today, but crossing that finish line was everything I had imagined it to be when I first thought of trying to do it--one year ago, when watching my daughter complete her first triathlon.  There are few things in my life that have been as satisfying as doing that race.  And so I'll wear the numbers that were body-marked on my arms until they wear off, and the medal that all finishers receive until I'm ready to take it off.  

Next week's focus goal?  Figure out how to use the energy from this achievement.

Putting Off the Bad Stuff

In Tuesday's Procrastinating 101 post, I related the thoughts of Marshall Cook about worrying and how it relates to procrastination.  Worrying is something I excel at.  (We all need to be good at something, right?)  My therapist recently advised me to set aside a certain time for worrying, and when random anxious thoughts arise, to redirect them to the appointed hour.  (Easy for her to say!)


But that got me thinking about why I don't seem to procrastinate about worrying.  Why don't I arrange to put off until tomorrow what I could worry about today?  And what other negative emotions and behaviors do I exempt from my tendency to postpone?  What if I just didn't get around to getting irritated about other people's table manners?  What if I couldn't make time for self-critical remarks?  Maybe I could harness the power of procrastination for good. . . .


Maybe I could even procrastinate about procrastinating, as in this quote from Gerald Vaughan:  "Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow."  

Done for the Week: Harnessing My Chariot

After many weeks of preparation, I am in the home stretch for Sunday's triathlon.  I am having a hard time thinking of anything else at this point.  But life goes on, before and after this significant athletic challenge.  I am grateful for the other things that require my attention and effort as I anticipate my post-tri life, and its inevitable let down.  Here is what I got done last week, including but not limited to getting ready for the race.


Done List--Week of Aug. 9-15

1. Finished Week 13 of revised 14-week Sprint Triathlon training plan--1 week to go!
2. Attended Open Water Swim Clinic
3. Attended Race Simulation
4. Made (more) final adjustments to gear, supplies
5. Continued to work on improving sleep
6. Finished 44 Scotland Street by Alexander McCall Smith;
7. Continued significant support to transitioning nonprofit organization
8. Attended Board meeting
9. Attended Issues Night meeting
10. Worked my two part-time jobs
11. Published 5 blog posts
12. Meditated 4 times
13. Wrote 5 Gratitude Journal entries
14. Wrote 4 Morning Pages
15. Continued cleaning campaign
16. Attended 1 yoga class
17. Went out with my husband for Happy Hour twice; continued reading aloud Elizabeth George's In the Presence of the Enemy
18. Called my Mom
19. Got dog bathed and his nails clipped

Highlighted in green are the by now predictable triathlon-related tasks that I checked off over the previous seven days.  For one more week, the triathlon will remain my focus.  The test in the weeks to come will be how well I can incorporate some of the discipline and outlook, and just plain continued commitment to exercise, into my "life after tri."  

In red is what I regard as last week's most important accomplishment--continuing to meditate in the face of the anxiety storms of the last few weeks, and the busy-ness of my work and volunteer schedule.  I hope to improve on this in the coming week, as my training schedule tapers in order to consolidate strength and energy.  I am convinced that an ongoing practice of meditation is key to living my life as I want it to be.  It is not always easy to make time for sitting, and to respect and defend that time against competing interests.  But it is worth doing so.  

For now, it's T minus 6 days and counting. . . .  Wish me luck!

Done for the Week: Clearing Another Hurdle

Another difficult week.  But things are beginning to turn around.  I have now had two nights of reasonable sleep, after two weeks of insomnia resulting from the same medication adjustments that brought me a prolonged bout of über anxiety.  And trust me, everything looks better on sleep.  I surprised myself putting together this list of what got done last week, given where my head was at, and where it wasn't!

Done List--Week of Aug. 2-8

1. Finished Week 12 of revised 14-week Sprint Triathlon training plan--2 weeks to go!
2. Began Open Water Swim Clinic
3. Attended triathlon prep camp
4. Made final adjustments to gear, supplies
5. Finished Noah's Compass, by Anne Tyler
6. Struggled with intense anxiety due to medication change--prevailed, with my family's support
7. Saw my doctor about blood pressure
8. Continued significant support to transitioning nonprofit organization
9. Worked my two part-time jobs
10. Published 5 blog posts
11. Meditated 4 times
12. Wrote 3 Gratitude Journal entries
13. Wrote 1 Morning Page
14. Continued cleaning campaign
15. Continued mini yoga practice 
16. Attended 2 yoga classes
17. Got new screen door--with doggie door--installed
18. Continued reading Elizabeth George's In the Presence of the Enemy aloud with my husband
19. Got two decent nights of sleep, after battling insomnia for two weeks

In green above are accomplishments related to last week's focus goal and my current obsession, preparing for the triathlon in two weeks.  The race, sponsored by Danskin with proceeds going to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, has this motto:  "The Woman who starts the Race is not the same Woman who finishes the Race." I want that transformation.  I am learning, though, that we meet our best and our worst selves on the journey there.  My most potent demons are fear and the self-limitation it "inspires," obsessive tendencies, being relaxation-challenged, and an unrealistic desire to excel.  My better, more functional qualities that are serving me well are determination, compassion for myself and all the other women who are scared to death but will show up anyway, and a growing courage to match the fear.  I am also pretty dogged and resourceful when it comes to problem-solving.  My focus goal for the next two weeks will remain the completion of this "Outward Bound"-type venture.  

In red, and related to tri preparation, as well as to sanity and survival, is my week's most important achievement--getting two decent nights of sleep.  About mid-week, this began to seem like the impossible dream, as each night saw me waking after a couple of hours of sleep to hours of struggle.  As I padded to the bathroom, to the kitchen, and back to my makeshift bed where I wouldn't disturb my husband and my dog with my night wars, I despaired of sleeping normally in time to recover for the race.  On Saturday morning, I "rose" at 5 a.m. (having been awake since midnight) and left for the prep camp, where I would bike for 12 mi., do an open water swim, and bike the 5K running course--all on 3 hours of sleep, on top of a major sleep deficit from nearly two weeks of killer insomnia.  The good news is, I slept 6 hours that night, after a 2 hour nap on returning from the camp.  And last night, I slept a much-needed 8 hours.  I'm hopeful that this is a corner turned.

As I begin another week of this quest, I want to acknowledge my family's patience and support, and thank my husband for the flowers and the meals, my grandson for the laughs and the hugs, my daughter for her triathlon example in the face of her own health challenges,  my dog for his unceasing affection (even if it is a little wet at times), my sons for the love and their distracting demands, my sister for her encouragement and her humor, my meditation "homies" for their steadiness, and my friends for their faith.  If this sounds like an Oscar acceptance speech, consider that I don't expect to stand on any podiums when all is said and done.  In fact, I learned a new term this week--DFL, which stands for "dead f...ing last," as in "Do you know what we call the person who finishes DFL? A triathlete."  So I am renewing my original goal of finishing the race--my race--in the time it takes me.  And being humble and proud enough to live with that.