Done for the Week: Another of Life's Little Detours

I'm still up to my neck in four-year-olds this week.  That is to say, I've been spending the better part of my waking hours with one very talkative, very energetic, and very dear little boy, and trying at the same time to be as much help as possible to his mother--my daughter.  Her new baby turns two weeks old tomorrow, although by rights she shouldn't really be born for another seven weeks. 

My brilliant advice to my daughter, which I'm trying to remember to follow myself, is to take this challenging period one day at a time.  It seems that's the best I can come up with.  Really.  In the meantime, here's what I got done, somehow, last week:

Done for the Week:  Oct. 17-Oct. 23, 2011

1. Continued 5K training with my youngest son, in preparation for his first race--Finished Week 8 of 9 Week Couch-Potato-to-5K program
2. Took my son shopping for new running shoes, and running gear
3. Cheered my son after he came in 5th in his age group in the Fall Classic 5K, and 24th overall! 
4. Won my age group , beating last year's time by 3+ minutes
5. Ran three times (including race), swam once
6. Read Where the God of Love Hangs Out, by Amy Bloom, Once Upon a Time There Was You, by Elizabeth Berg, and Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk:  A Modest Bestiary, by David Sedaris
7. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
8. Published 2 blog posts
9. Continued significant work on current clients' projects
10. Continued to give nearly full-time support to my daughter and her family as they coped with early arrival of their baby, and my daughter's continuing health problems
11. Helped my son purchase required laptop for school
12. Celebrated my son's first day in technical college automotive program
13. Went out for happy hour with my husband
14. Saw The Ides of March with my husband 
15. Watched first episode of Boss with my husband
16. Did laundry
17. Continued reading Elizabeth George's A Traitor to Memory aloud with my husband
18. Paid our household bills
19. Vacuumed several dogs worth of hair off our living room carpet
20. Entertained my out-of-town stepdaughter and her two sons, and arranged a family tennis outing
21. Took my grandson to his swimming lesson

Once again, the "most important thing" I accomplished last week was continuing to help my daughter and her family deal with the demands and difficulties of her medically complicated postpartum period and the needs of her preemie infant in a Level III NICU miles away.  We continue to refine the schedule and strategies for dealing with this temporary situation, and to marvel at the resilience of this tiny being as she matures and sheds one tube after another on her way to coming home in a couple of weeks.

I am working hard, but not minding the commitment or its requirements.  For whatever reason--probably the rewards of having had my own surprise children, and the lessons of relinquishing control when it was denied me--it is easy for me to take the long view.  This time will be here and gone before we know it, along with its special opportunities.  I am grateful to have the freedom and flexibility to be able to support my daughter in this way.

Last week's focus goal, in the midst of this adventure, was to "fit in three runs, in preparation for Sunday's race."   I managed to run twice before the race, and to swim once while taking my grandson for his swimming lesson.  Not ideal preparation for our race, given that I had only trained once the previous week, but the best I could do.  And good training in acceptance.

Next week's focus goal is to resume meditating.  Period.

Procrastinating 101: And Now for the Cure. . .

Er, first of the cures, actually.

This week, Procrastinating 101 continues our study of Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged, by Diana DeLonzor, progressing to "CURE ONE:  Who, Me?  Face the Facts."  Here, those of us who attempt to rationalize away our chronic lateness confront the truth.  For our own good, of course.

At the outset, DeLonzor presents the reader with one of those "You might be a . . ." lists.  In this case, we stand to be assessed as, not a redneck, or a Monty Python fan, or, God forbid, a procrastinator, but, in DeLonzor's schema of the seven types of lateniks, a Rationalizer.  Here's the list, short and not-so-sweet.  If:

• You are frequently late for work, appointments, or social engagements, yet feel lateness isn't a problem;
• You believe people are too uptight about punctuality;
• You often attribute your lateness to circumstances beyond your control;
• You make up excuses when you're late;

You might be a Rationalizer.  If, indeed, you, like me, are at least a bit of a Rationalizer, you may find yourself falling into one (or more!) of these three common traps:

#1--Denying There's a Problem

#2--Blaming Outside Influences

#3--Minimizing the Selfishness of the Act

Luckily, DeLonzor lights the way out of this morass of self-deception, recommending three steps to overcoming rationalization--

• Recognizing the Problem
• Facing the Consequences of Your Lateness, and
• Changing Your Attitude.

She goes on to outline helpful exercises as part of each step.  Two of the overall ten approaches recommend themselves to me as useful places to start.  Both are part of the prescription for "Recognizing the Problem." (Note to publisher/proofreader:  There are four exercises listed under "Changing Your Attitude," but the last is labeled Exercise Five.)


The first directs us to keep what I would call a "lateness diary" for a month, tracking punctuality (if it should occur) and incidents of lateness, and recording the number of minutes by which we miss the appointment hour.  My inner worry-wart raises a concern here about the possibility of being late in recording my transgressions.  But moving right along. . .


The second exercise involves looking for ways in which we have, and could begin to use control over the situations in which we find ourselves being habitually late.  I have decided to focus for now on the almost-daily challenge I face in trying to arrive on time for the one job, in my collection of paid employments, that has set--though frequently changing--hours.  


And now it occurs to me that I am too often jotting the last lines of a blog post when I should be collecting my things and running out the door to get to said job.  Gotta run. . .

Done for the Week: A New Leaf on the Family Tree

My family contains one more person this week than it did at the beginning of last week--the first girl born into our extended family in many years.  I am ecstatic.  I am worn out.

The little one who was in such a rush to get here has left some serious turbulence in her wake.  In the midst of her joyous and disruptive arrival, here's what I got done:

Done for the Week:  Oct. 10-Oct. 16, 2011

1. Continued 5K training with my youngest son, in preparation for his first race--Finished Week 7 of 9 Week Couch-Potato-to-5K program
2. Ran once
3. Read Murder Your Darlings, by J. J. Murphy
4. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
5. Published 1 blog post
6. Continued significant work on current clients' projects
7. Attended second week of four week Run Better class with triathlon coach Lauren Jensen
8. Became a grandmother for the second time, as my daughter's premature daughter entered the world
9. Became a live-in Nana to my four-year-old grandson
10. Gave nearly full-time support to my daughter and her family as they coped with early arrival of their baby, and my daughter's continuing health problems
11. Dealt with my daughter's acutely ill dog
12. Helped prepare my son to begin technical college later this week
13. Went out for happy hour and a movie with my husband
14. Did laundry
15. Continued reading Elizabeth George's A Traitor to Memory aloud with my husband

Last week's "most important thing," hands down, was supporting my daughter and her family through the premature arrival of her new daughter, and her own continuing health problems.   The baby was born early Tuesday morning, at 31 weeks, and though doing remarkably well, is expected to be in the hospital for at least another 3 weeks.  My daughter is dealing with two separate complications and a preexisting chronic illness, compounded by exhaustion and the aftereffects of necessary obstetrical interventions.  Her four-year-old is struggling with the temporary chaos and emotional distress that has beset his happy, stable home life.  We are all attempting to deal with the strategic demands of tightly scheduled twice daily visits to the NICU; my grandson's part-time preschool schedule; my daughter's medical appointments, including yet another specialist to be consulted for a new condition; hot and cold running relatives--the various members of our complicated extended family, all of whom want to help, to visit, to be part of things, and mostly on their own terms; and my daughter's serious need for rest.  


I have adopted the attitude I found helpful during my father's extended illness and eventual death a few years ago--that our circumstances currently are more like M.A.S.H. than like Happy Days, and we need to lighten our loads and keep bailing.  Low expectations, clear priorities, and a healthy sense of humor will get us through.  In the meantime, I cling to my nightly glass of red wine.  For the heart benefits, of course.



My focus goal last week was to "make some time for resting and taking care of myself and my home, and staying loose about how that will get done."  I did manage to get to my running class; to meditate in the middle of the night while my daughter was in preterm labor and I couldn't sleep; to squeeze in a couple of latte breaks; to vacuum several large dogs worth of yellow lab colored hair off my living room carpet; to read an inconsequential mystery novel; and to spend a pleasant evening with my husband.  If I had to miss three blog posts, abandon my novel, skip workouts, miss yoga and tap class and sleep and showers, I did the best I could.  

This week, we can probably better anticipate what lies ahead.  We are starting to problem solve, and to martial additional resources.  My new focus goal is to fit in three runs, in preparation for Sunday's race.  The rest will have to take care of itself. 

Done for the Week: Against the Wind

I turned another year older last week.

Time rushes by, and fans me, my good intentions, and my big dreams as it passes.

Here's what I got done against the wind:

Done for the Week:  Oct. 3-Oct. 9, 2011

1. Continued 5K training with my youngest son, in preparation for his first race--Finished Week 6 of 9 Week program
2. Ran once; swam once; biked once
3. Read Away, by Amy Bloom
4. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
5. Published 2 blog posts
6. Continued significant work on current clients' projects
7. Held third tutoring session with clients
8. Registered for upcoming Fall Classic 5K with my son
9. Attended first week of four week Run Better class with triathlon coach Lauren Jensen
10. Had informal consultation with guest orthopedic physical therapist concerning persistent knee injury
11. Participated in 12 mi. Breast Cancer Awareness Ride
12. Continued to give substantial support to my pregnant daughter and her family
13. Found my lost cell phone
    
14. Did laundry
15. Fixed my husband's bird bath with my grandson's help
16. Began clean-up of our ravine with both sons and my grandson
17. Celebrated my birthday
18. Held joint family party for my birthday and my daughter's birthday
19. Took my dog to the dog park twice, once with my husband, once with my son and grandson
20. Watched episodes of Eureka with my oldest son
21. Took our Isuzu Oasis in to investigate deafening exhaust system noise
22. Continued reading Elizabeth George's A Traitor to Memory aloud with my husband
23. Continued raising money for New Orleans Area Habitat for Humanity on my Facebook Birthday Wish--exceeded my goal of $250
24. Attended Communications Team meeting
    

The "most important thing" I did last week, again, was supporting my daughter and her family in her high-risk pregnancy.  A seemingly endless round of medical appointments, a last stressful week before leaving her job on an early, extended maternity leave, and increasing fatigue left my daughter in need of many more hours of relief child care than we had scheduled for.  This week promises to be a bit easier for all of us, with fewer appointments and the absence of work pressures.  But as her health is expected to worsen as the pregnancy progresses, we are just trying to take it one day at a time.  Her needs will remain a priority for the weeks to come.



Last week's focus goal, for the third week running, was to "meditate at least three times."  My grade?   F!  Not even F+.  I ended each day in a near stupor, with just enough energy to close my eyes before losing consciousness.  Not enough oomph left for sitting and breathing, or the effort of thinking of nothing.  

I have several hypotheses about my current state of exhaustion.  The most likely explanation has to do with an increasingly crazy and precipitously changing schedule, which has left no time for self-care, including meditation.  I am running on an energy deficit, clearly not a situation that can go on beyond the short term. 

So next week's focus goal?  Make some time for resting and taking care of myself and my home, and staying loose about how that will get done; meditating if I can manage it, sleeping as needed, a hot cup of tea and a good book in my swing in the yard. . . .

Procrastinating 101: Tardiness Meets the MythBusters

Unlike on the Discovery Channel TV show, no test dummies were harmed in the making of this blog post.

It's my birthday, and my grandson is enforcing a National Nana Day rule.  I'm not supposed to work, nor is anyone else who loves me, knows me, has ever heard of me, lives on my block. . .

I am supposed to spend much of the day with him.  So I'm going to make this short.  Luckily, Diana DeLonzor made her third chapter the same.

Today's Procrastinating 101 looks at "What Makes the Tardy So Tardy?," concluding Part One of Diana DeLonzor's Never Be Late Again!  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged.

In this chapter, Ms. DeLonzor culls through 6 myths about the tardy, famous (like Bill Clinton, who supposedly runs on "Clinton Standard Time") and not-so (like me--two weeks late for my own birth).  Here's a quick run-through:

Myth #1--Looking for Attention: Apparently not many of us really get off on strolling in late and having everyone glare at us.

Myth #2--A Control Thing:  Seems some of us may prefer controlling the time of a meeting to having a say about nothing.

                

Myth #3--You Don't Value My Time:  Ms. DeLonzor's research identified some for whom this lack of regard for others was characteristic, but "the majority of late people really did try to show up on time" and were "troubled by their lateness."

Myth #4--Procrastination/Time Management:  "[I]n general, the punctually challenged do tend to procrastinate more than the average person and often embrace a kind of determined optimism when it comes to the clock."

Myth #5--Slackers:  While some of us may be goofing off, other would-be time-benders are actually pretty hard workers.

 Myth #6--Bad Morale:  Since most of us are either consistently on time, and others consistently late, regardless of our attitudes toward the activity involved, poor morale cannot explain all lateness.

DeLonzor closes with a preview of 7 types of late-niks:  The Rationalizer; The Producer; The Deadliner; The Indulger; The Rebel; The Absentminded Professor; and The Evader.

Let's see.  7 types.  7 "cures."  Coincidence?

Tune in next week, as we begin to deconstruct all this name-calling and dive into Cure One. 


And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my party.

Done for the Week: Nana Boot Camp

Last week is a blur from where I sit this morning.

The next several weeks (I hope we get that long) will be devoted largely to supporting my daughter and her family as we wait for my second grandchild to be born.  Lots of doctors' appointments.  Lots of extra time with my grandson, so Mama can rest.

All of our lives are being rearranged for the duration. 

Here's what I got done in Nana Boot Camp last week (no lanyards, no obstacle course):

Done for the Week:  Sept. 26-Oct. 2, 2011

1. Continued 5K training with my youngest son, in preparation for his first race--Finished Week 5 of 9 Week program
2. Ran once; swam once; biked once
3. Read Unless a Grain of Wheat, and Dead Men's Bones, both by Stephen Boehrer
4. Continued to work my two part-time jobs 
5. Published 4 blog posts
6. Continued significant work on current clients' projects
7. Held second tutoring session with clients
8. Had new intake appointment with my son for vocational services
9. Had lunch with friend
10. Helped youngest son prepare for first road trip, and gave phone support throughout
11. Began working on novel again
12. Gave substantial support to my pregnant daughter and her family
13. Continued (unsuccessfully) hunting for lost cell phone
    
14. Did laundry
15. Meditated once
16. Began listening to Meditations to Change Your Brain, by Rick Hansonand Richard Mendius
17. Took my dog to the dog park three times, with my husband
18. Watched episodes of Eureka with my oldest son
19. Lost considerable time to fruitless search for rear wiper for 1996 Isuzu Oasis
20. Began reading Elizabeth George's A Traitor to Memory aloud with my husband
21. Went out for Happy Hour with my husband
22. Straightened out energy bill budget billing snafu
23. Analyzed energy usage--we're in the greenest category of homes of "our type," and we're still going broke paying for "lights, heat, action"
24. Raised money for New Orleans Area Habitat for Humanity on my Facebook Birthday Wish

Again last week, the "most important thing" I did was supporting my daughter and her family in her high-risk pregnancy.  I am "down for" whatever I can do, for however long this waiting period lasts.  All else is subject to the vagaries of my daughter's health and her changing needs.  


My focus goal last week, before my daughter's situation worsened, was to " meditate a minimum of three times."  How did I do with that?  Not so much.  Not enough focus, evidently.  Clearly, this time of additional stress and commitment will require that I step up my effort to find/make time for meditating.  

My motivation was strengthened by beginning, yesterday, to listen to Meditations to Change Your Brain.  One of the authors, Rick Hanson, also wrote Buddha's Brain:  The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom, which I read earlier this year.  I have been interested in using the audiobook (Meditations to Change Your Brain) to try applying some of what I learned from Buddha's Brain.  The introduction I heard yesterday was full of wisdom, hope, and information, including the finding shared by the authors that meditation may make our brains more resistant to Alzheimer's.  (Of special interest to me because:  1) this week I turn a year older; 2) I have family members who have struggled with memory loss; and 3) I still can't figure out what happened to my cell phone a couple of weeks ago.)


For the coming week, I will continue my focus on meditating at least three times.  If I can remember. . .