Time and its "Relatives"

All time is not created equal.  There are minutes and hours that draaaggggggggg by, and others that seem to be gone before they're here.  As Albert Einstein said

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

So now that I've mastered the theory of relativity (and who knew it would be so simple?), here are a few time distortions I've experienced personally.  Each experience or description is associated with the rate at which time seems to pass when engaged in the associated activity.

Reading, as in Proust's amazing description--FAST

And as each hour struck, it would seem to me that a few moments only had passed since the hour before; the latest would inscribe itself close to its predecessor on the sky's surface, and I was unable to believe that sixty minutes could have been squeezed into the tiny arc of blue which was comprised between their two golden figures.  Sometimes it would even happen that this precocious hour would sound two strokes more than the last; there must then have been an hour which I had not heard strike; something that had taken place had not taken place for me; the fascination of my book, a magic as potent as the deepest slumber, had deceived my enchanted ears and had obliterated the sound of that golden bell from the azure surface of the enveloping silence.   [Remembrance of Things Past]

Reading Proust--FAST (Because it takes a LONG time)

Sitting in meditation--SLOW

Lying in an MRI machine--Way SLOWER

Sitting at a traffic light when you're late--FASTER (paradoxically)

Waiting for a table when you're starving--SLOW

Waiting for your food to arrive when you're starving--EVEN SLOWER

The end of a difficult pregnancy--SLOWER

In labor--REALLY SLOW

Late for work--FAST

Ready to leave work--SLOW

Stuck in a boring meeting--SLOOOOWWWWW

After pressing the snooze button on my alarm--FAST

Working out on a stationary bike, for a set time--SLOW

Trying to finish a blog post when I need to be leaving for somewhere else--VERY FAST

What are some of your examples?

Waiting for No One: My Get-it-Together YouTube Playlist

I'm in kind of a Sunrise, Sunset mood today.  Probably all the time I've spent caring for my infant granddaughter lately.  Looking into that sweet little face, watching those little blues intently taking it all in, seeming wiser, and older, by the minute.

We probably can't afford the time to wallow in thoughts of its passing.  Maybe play these one at a time, as a reward for an hour well-used--whatever that means.  Or hit the link for the whole playlist, and think of it as a motivational soundtrack for doing some serious work.

Or just give up and wallow.

Playlist Time Songs on my YouTube Channel PutittoBed

1.   Time Waits for No One, by the Rolling Stones

2.   Time in a Bottle, by Jim Croce

3.   We May Never Pass This Way Again, by Seals and Crofts

4.   This Time, by The Verve

5.   Time, by Pink Floyd

6.   Bookends, by Simon and Garfunkel

7.   Days Go By, by Keith Urban

8.   Time, by Hootie and the Blowfish

9.  Life is Short, Butterfly Boucher

10. No Time, by the Guess Who

What songs would you add?

Procrastinating 101: Winding Up the Lateness Cures

If I were due to be someplace at 12:00, the minute hand on the clock face at the left would be in the "Whew!  Just made it!" position.

A position I'm hoping to confront less and less.

Likewise the "Yikes!  Not again!  What lame excuse should I offer this time?" configuration, with the minute hand (and in my defense, almost never the hour hand) several points on the wrong side of the appointed hour.

So what can I take from the final pages of Diana DeLonzor's  Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged as we conclude our Procrastinating 101 consideration of her work?

To set the stage for an appreciation of the difficulties ahead, this quote from H. L. Mencken, presented by Ms. DeLonzor to head her chapter on habit change:

For every complex problem, there is an easy answer, and it is wrong.

Okay.  So nice and easy's off the table.

DeLonzor provides "three keys to successful habit changing," which shake out to more like six keys.  They are:

• Developing the right attitude
• Observing yourself
• Setting your goals and rewarding yourself

and also, under "Developing the right attitude,:

• Go cold turkey
• Don't expect it to be easy

and under "Observe yourself,"

• Keep track in writing.

All pretty self-explanatory.  I would add that, with the cold turkey recommendation, Ms. DeLonzor aligns herself, along with The Happiness Project's Gretchen Rubin, with those changers Rubin calls "abstainers."  Abstainers are the cold turkey crowd.  Moderators, on the other hand, approach change incrementally, avoiding lines in the sand. 

I suspect, from my vast experience of attempted habit change, some successful and some, well, not, that I am a moderator in abstainer's clothing.  That is to say, I am more successful when I persist in acceptance of the gradual nature of change and the inevitable (for me, anyway) slips.  However, I continue to operate out of an abstainer's mindset, and to pay the price.  When my perfect change doesn't work out as planned, I am prone to gradual abandonment of the goal.

Given this recognition, I think it unwise to adopt DeLonzor's advice that I shoot for immediate whole-hog timeliness.  (Am I detecting a barnyard animal theme in my approach to this subject?)

DeLonzor's "Final Note" (which isn't really, since it is followed by a final chapter for those early birds who have to deal with the likes of us, and Appendix A's 20-item "Action Plan for the Perfectly Punctual," and Appendix B's pretty useful "Meditation Instructions") is a little pep talk in which she sends the reader off, armed with new insights and awareness, identification with "one or two" lateness types, four or five appropriate exercises, written goals and an action plan, to "start practicing what you've learned."

She cautions against energetically rushing on to tackle other personal flaws and/or habits (should we have such things) before consolidating the practice of being on time.  And she suggests that the services of a personal coach (which she happens to be, so she should know) might prove useful should we bog down along the way.

She ends with "Good luck" wishes and an Emerson quote.

In retrospect, I think the book includes some good practical advice about taming our inner Mad Hatter.  For myself, I think it may be time to stop attempting across-the-board personal reformation and accept that I will probably to continue to struggle with lateness.  But now I understand some of why that is.  And despite the lateness of this final posting on DeLonzor's manual, the laxness of my approach, and my lack of a strategic plan, I have begun to observe small occasional instances of being on time.  And to learn how to experience them more frequently.

Procrastinating 101: Lateness as an Evasive Move

Available from Zazzle

Procrastinating 101 again.  (Funny how nearly two years into this little online seminar, we're still at the survey level, the introductory 101.  But then we are still accommodating late arrivals.  And some of us--ahem--are still working on basic knowledge and skills, even after all this time.) 

This week, we are focusing on "Cure Seven:  Respect Yourself," in Diana DeLonzor's prescriptive Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged.  Theoretically, if we have been employing DeLonzor's good advice, we should be nearly cured by now.  I suspect, however, that some cases may prove a bit more intransigent.

The current chapter paints a portrait of The Evader latenik which many of us will recognize.  Ms. DeLonzor tells us this kind of problem with showing up on time is really all about low self-esteem, which can contribute to punctuality difficulties in one of three main ways:

• When you suffer from low self-esteem, you tend to expect less of yourself.  Because of those low expectations, you may set lower standards for the way in which you live your life.  Chronic lateness, unreliability, and procrastination can be part of those lower-than-normal standards.

• Low self-esteem can cause feelings of anxiety or depression, prompting you to engage in the type of actions I refer to [as] the "evader syndrome," in an effort to relieve that anxiety.  The urge to soothe yourself can take priority over being on time.

• Low self-esteem can cause you to fear success or failure and to engage in what is known as "self-handicapping."

No self-assessment quiz this week.  I guess we're expected to "know it when we see it."  Though I would venture to say that I know lots of people whose self-esteem is low enough that they would compliantly apply virtually any negative label to their own behavior, but who are not, in my view, especially prone to lateness.

DeLonzor advises this five-pronged strategy for improving the condition--evasive lateness--if it indeed inflicts us. 

• Expect more from yourself--do what you know is right.
• Learn to manage your anxiety.
• Overcome fear of sucess or failure by challenging yourself.
• Do something you love.
• Build and maintain friendships and family ties.

As we have come to expect, Ms. DeLonzor presents a series of "exercises" which she says will help us begin to improve our self-esteem, and to change the lateness behaviors that stem from its less than ideal state.  I can already give myself credit for having practiced one of them religiously for years, though in isolation it has not yet had the effect of making me more punctual.  Here's how she describes it:

Let go of perfectionism.  Every day for the next week [or for several years] practice leaving the house or office without making things perfect.  You might leave the bed unmade or your desk in a mess [or the entire place looking like a cyclone has hit it].  Notice how it feels to "chill out" and let things go.  You'll probably find it liberating.  [I don't.]

 So, one down.  What else can I do to effect this "cure?"  Oh, yeah.  The exercise that would have us doing something courageous, something outside our oft-noted "comfort zone."  Like oh, say, competing in a triathlon, or two?  Been there, done that, still late for too many important things--though not for the race.

In fact, as I look over DeLonzor's list of 13 exercises, designed to help us begin to implement her five-pronged approach to a cure for low-self-esteem-based lateness,  I see that I have been doing much of what she suggests--recognizing negative self-talk; replacing it with positive self-talk; identifying my purpose and setting short-term goals related to it; nurturing relationships with family and friends.  Perhaps the difficulty is that I haven't been specifically targeting lateness.  DeLonzor does concede that some of us may have gotten to a point in life where our self-esteem level is fairly reasonable, but we may retain some residual habits and patterns which originated with since-resolved self-esteem issues. 

At this point in our reading of DeLonzor's book, we have run through all seven of the promised cures.  And I am coming to the conclusion that my lateness problem may have been caused originally by nearly all of the syndromes and character defects she outlines.  But the real difficulty is the habit of lateness that is deeply ingrained in me.  I believe that "treating" or "curing" whatever may have caused my lateness in the first place will not be enough to make me on time.  I need to change my habits.

But Ms. DeLonzor is one step ahead of me.  Next week's chapter:  "A Few Words on Habit Changing."

Procrastinating 101: The Rule of Three For Rule Breakers

This week's  Procrastinating 101 deals with "Cure Six:  Play by the Rules" from Diana De Lonzor's Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged.  In this chapter, Ms. DeLonzor explores the lateness issues of those individuals who fit her Rebel label.  If my husband had a problem with lateness (besides the challenge of hanging with a latenik spouse), this would be him.

To begin with, it is curious to me that a treatment of the rule-averse would be so strongly governed by the "rule of three"--according to Wikipedia

a principle in writing that suggests that things that come in threes are inherently funnier, more satisfying, or more effective than other numbers of things. The reader/audience of this form of text is also more likely to consume information if it is written in groups of threes. From slogans ("Go, fight, win!") to films, many things are structured in threes. Examples include The Three Stooges, Three Little Pigs, Three Billy Goats Gruff, Goldilocks and the Three Bears and Three Blind Mice.

In Ms. DeLonzor's case, we have, not goats, stooges, or blind mice (see, I used three examples!), but rather:

three underlying motivations for the Rebel's lateness;

• The desire to feel powerful  [DeLonzor calls this type "Power Players."]
• Difficulty accepting authority ["Authority Resistors," in DeLonzor's parlance.]
• The need to feel special or unique [DeLonzor's "Special Seekers."]

three common characteristics, shared by these three types;

• Unlike those in other tardy categories, rebels often feel little remorse.
• More men than women seem to populate this category.
• This species of late people seems to have the ability to control their lateness more than do other tardy types.

and three steps for overcoming Rebel lateness;

• Become aware of when and why you rebel
• Learn that cooperation is a part of everyday life
• Find control and power in more constructive ways

Sticking with this theoretically pleasing motif, I identified three exercises from DeLonzor's list of ten which I plan to explore, given that my husband's Rebel nature may have rubbed off a bit on me.

The first of these involves recognizing our rebellions, and looking for patterns.  (I expect I might find that I am most likely to rebel when I have said "yes" though I wanted to say "no.")

The second consists of practicing periods of cooperation--just to get the hang of it.  (I can see how this might be useful in my relationship with my husband, for example.  Though I wouldn't want to take it too far, of course.)

And the third focuses on building a unique identity around accomplishments, rather than flakiness and lateness.  (But I can still dress "artistically," right?)

Of course, if you are a Rebel latenik, you will find more compelling detail, and some great stories, in Ms. DeLonzor's book.  Unless you refuse to go there.

Procrastinating 101: Late (Again) Because Too Many Funny Things Happened on the Way to Wherever

Is this you?

Or this?

Or this?

                                          Absent-Minded Professor Brainard's housekeeper tries to keep                                                 him from missing his wedding--for the third time!

Then this week's Procrastinating 101 may just resonate, as we look at "Cure Five:  Get Focused and Organized" in Diana DeLonzor's Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged.

According to Ms. DeLonzor's schema, the Absent-Minded Professor is one of the seven types of chronically late people--which you might be if you answer yes to two or more of the following questions:

• Do I frequently forget appointments, meetings, or where I put the car keys?
• Do I often forget names and details of conversations?
• Have I frequently been accused of being unobservant or of not paying attention?
• Do I notice that the light has turned green only after the driver behind me honks?
• Do I regularly digress from the subject when speaking?
• Do I jump from one activity to another before the first is finished?

(That would be three yeses for me.)

DeLonzor says that three main "problem areas" typify those of us who find ourselves in this overall profile: 

• Distractibility (like The Family Circus's Billy)
• Forgetfulness and Disorganization (like, well, me)
• Lack of Awareness of Others (like Fred McMurray's Prof. Brainard, who kept forgetting to show up for his own wedding)

The legions of individuals who are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder--like one of my children--have major struggles in these areas.  But not all of them, or of the rest of us, need Ritalin or some other concoction to cope.  And we can all benefit, argues DeLonzor, by taking these three steps:

• Learning to stay focused on one thing for a sustained period of time
• Getting organized and adding structure to our lives
• Increasing our awareness and observation of other people

As in her previous chapters, DeLonzor approaches our reform by outlining a series of exercises designed to help identify the ways in which these behaviors and tendencies are making us late, and practicing new habits.  

My favorites on her list?  Meditation to improve focus; and establishing times and days for certain tasks.  The first of these I continue to work on making time for, finding that the more I need it the less likely I am to do it--grrr!   The second is perennially difficult for me as well.  And I am not helped much by my freelancer's schedule.  I am inspired by DeLonzor's simple instruction, however, to make another attempt to set up at least a skeletal structure, and to resist the impulse to agree to whatever scheduling requests and changes my clients and part-time employers might suggest. 

So no, Ms. S, I can't squeeze in covering for you at a luncheon next week.  I'll be meditating.

And next week Tuesday?  I'll be here blogging about Cure 6--for the timeliness Rebels in the crowd. 

Procrastinating 101: Getting Ourselves in Line

Diana DeLonzor's seventh chapter in Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged--"Cure Four:  Develop Your Discipline Muscle"--is our Procrastinating 101 focus for this week.  I can't say I'm all that thrilled at the prospect of yet another admonishment on self-discipline, especially two days before Thanksgiving.  But I'm committed to slogging through, and learning what I can.

Is the notion of lagging self-discipline more palatable because the chapter begins with a quote about a nun with this trait?  Are we in good company if it can be said of Maria, in The Sound of Music, that "She's always late for everything, except for every meal"? 

In her introductory paragraphs, DeLonzor reminds us of studies indicating that we late-niks as a group have more issues with self-control than do those who generally arrive, and complete things, on time.  Dr. Piers Steel has written most comprehensively about impulsivity as a contributor to procrastination in The Procrastination Equation.  

DeLonzor also points out that self-discipline is not necessarily an across-the-board issue.  We might do quite well at quitting smoking, or exercising, or cleaning the kitchen nightly, but play waayyyy too much solitaire on the computer, or play chicken with the snooze button, or read just one more chapter when we know we don't have time. . . .  (Hmm.  Sounds familiar. . .)  Reading this made me think of something I learned from reading Switch:  How to Change Things When Change is Hard, by Chip Heath and Dan Heath, and blogged about earlier this year:  self-control is exhaustible.  That is to say, those of us who are fighting our natures or battling stress on many fronts may simply run out of the capacity to behave optimally. 

What is this capacity whose supply can be outstripped by the demands of our everyday lives?  In DeLonzor's nutshell, self-discipline is 

all about. . . the ability to make sacrifices and accept limitations.  It's the strength to choose what's best in the long run instead of what feels good right now, even if it means having to give something up.

And for each of us, our difficulty (or facility) with self-discipline is largely determined by

• Our experience with effort and discomfort
• Genetics
• Family influences

So, are you one of those challenged by impulsiveness?  Three or more yeses in response to the following questions qualify you as an "Indulger," plagued by a "weak discipline muscle."

• Do I have several bad habits that I've tried repeatedly, but unsuccessfully, to conquer?
• Do I tend to play things by ear, rather than sticking to a schedule?
• Do I frequently say or do things I regret?
• Do I have difficulty starting projects?
• Am I usually impatient when I have to wait?
• Do I lack long-range goals and daily plans?

My answers?  Well, maybe a few.  Yup.  Not really.  Nope; finishing projects is my bugaboo.  Depends on what I'm waiting for--dentist appointment and flight boarding?  yes; Christmas and check-out lines (unless I'm late for something), not so much.  And yes. 

I guess that makes me sort of a borderline Indulger.  Yeeks!  I'm already an official Rationalizer, a Producer and a Deadliner.  Is is possible that I commit all 7 deadly sins of lateness?  Or are these quizzes like a lot of zodiac signs and fortune cookies, general enough to apply universally given a liberal enough reading?  But I digress--another character flaw.  Back to self-discipline, and the cure.

Interestingly, DeLonzor relies on different research findings than those invoked by the Heath brothers to maintain that habits of self-discipline carry over from one realm to another--that we can build brain structure that assists us in resisting impulses in new situations. 

For the Indulgers, and yes, the borderline Indulgers among us, DeLonzor recommends this three-pronged approach to developing our self-discipline "muscles:"  

• Learn to increase your tolerance for discomfort
• Practice making transitions
• Become a planner and goal setter

For each strategy, she again provides a group of exercises--ten pages in all--designed to boost self-control.  Clearly, I don't have the requisite self-control, or the time, to engage in all of them.  I definitely plan to skip the first, which basically involves self-deprivation--and thus flies in the face of the self-care I've been advised to grow in my life.  I'm actually already pretty good at sacrifice and discomfort, having been a mother for 34 years now, and a Catholic for some 20 years before that.

I would probably benefit, however, from these two:

Practice stopping midstream.  Whether you're in the middle of an engrossing novel or watching a good TV program, practice stopping before you're ready, if even for five minutes.  Doing so will give you practice in making transitions so that when it really matters, you'll be up to the task;

and

Practice making and adhering to a set schedule that includes time-estimates and priorities.

And the key with this last exercise is to base the list of tasks and priorities on long- and short-term goals, instead of randomly adding items to a to-do list, with an unmoored goal of getting "as much done as possible."

 

It seems, after all this time, and all the procrastination gurus I've consulted, it so often comes down to this.  Maybe there's a reason my post on Neil Fiore's "unschedule" is by far my most popular.  So far, I have not had/developed the necessary self-discipline to use it myself!  Perhaps it's time. . .

Procrastinating 101: Beware the Dead(line) Zone!

This week, our Procrastinating 101 focus is on Cure Three--subtitled "Get Off the Rollercoaster"--in Diana DeLonzor's Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged.

As in previous chapters, DeLonzor here leads us through a self-assessment, this one designed to determine whether or not we are the kind of adrenaline junkies whose lateness is of the "Deadliner"variety.  If two or more of the following statements describe us, she maintains, we are "Deadliner" material.

• I work best under pressure.
• I like a fast-paced life-style.
• I often have difficulty getting motivated without an impending deadline.
• I am probably more easily bored than most people.
• I sometimes like to do things that are a little frightening.
• I enjoy living on the edge.

Personally, I think I am beginning to outgrow this status; but I have to admit that, as unpleasant as it feels sometimes, I still find myself "dashing around the house before work or furiously jamming papers into [my] briefcase before a meeting."  And I admit that "rushing makes [me] feel alive, focused, and purposeful."  Crazy, huh?

DeLonzor holds that we deadliners are likely to be one or both of these two types:

• Those who use adrenaline to relieve feelings of anxiety of boredom
• People who require a crisis to get motivated

Check, and check.

It is not exactly surprising that Deadliners of either type tend to be procrastinators, too.  In an earlier blog, we learned what Dr. Joseph Ferrari had to say about procrastination fueled by adrenaline addiction.  We also confronted the research that shows that, despite what we want to believe, last-minute, last-ditch efforts seldom result in superior achievements.

So why do we do it?  What is it about the breathless conduct of our habitual high-wire acts that keeps us in thrall?  DeLonzor answers these questions, in part, by sharing a couple of interesting findings.

First of all, deadlining is apparently at least partly--some estimate 60%--inherited.  And it seems that a "longer version of one gene on the eleventh chromosome" is common among those of us who "crave excitement."  This gene "influences the brain's response to dopamine, a chemical responsible for feelings of pleasure and euphoria, whose release may be triggered by exciting or risky experiences." 

Additionally, research conducted by psychologists G. Anderson and R.I. Brown in 1984 suggests that individuals vary in basic levels of arousal, and that some of us with "lower level[s] of base arousal" may require more stimulation to feel comfortable.  (Maybe that's why I experience a sense of having two gears--comatose and maniacal.) 

So if some of us are biologically inclined to push the envelope when it comes to completing work and getting places on time, what can we do about it--short of gene therapy?

DeLonzor recommends these three "basic steps:"

• Recognize how and when you create crises in your life.
• Learn to motivate yourself in the absence of a crisis.
• Find more constructive ways to obtain stimulation.

Following the book's pattern, DeLonzor prescribes a variety of exercises for each of these three steps.  The two that hold most appeal for me are:  looking for patterns in my production/use of crises as motivators; and practicing doing things early, to build internal motivation.

Something she doesn't deal with much, which is a serious issue for me, is the overall health consequences of living with self-generated stress.  I am hardly alone in our society in suffering from what has been termed "hurry sickness."  And many of us are coming to appreciate and long for the kind of calm that requires us to spend less time on the rollercoaster.

Procrastinating 101: Too "Busy" to be on Time?

Yeah.  I see the irony.  Here I am trying to share what I'm learning from Diana DeLonzor's Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged--and I'm two weeks late with this post!  

In my defense, I was only up to the first of seven "cures" before I fell behind.  And there's been some unusual stuff hitting the fan in my life of late.  (No pun intended.)  I am going to make every effort to remain on track from here on.  

Today in Procrastinating 101, we are, appropriately enough, looking at "Cure Two:  Beat the Busy Syndrome."  We begin with the ritual set of questions, intended to ascertain whether we are "Producers."  DeLonzor instructs us to answer these probes:

• Do I feel the need to squeeze as much activity as I can into each day?
• Do I view unproductive time as time "wasted"?
• Am I pleased when the day goes by quickly?
• Do I often underestimate everyday tasks, such as getting dressed in the morning or driving to work, even though I've performed those routines many times before?

Two or more "yes" responses qualify us for the title.  (My own magic number is somewhere between two and four, depending on how scrupulously honest I am.  Which puts me in there with Zero Mostel, or Nathan Lane, depending on the era.)

At the core of what DeLonzor calls "The Busy Syndrome" are a couple of key characteristics.  One is the fixation on productivity and accomplishment so common in our culture.  Many of us seem caught up in the attempt to prove our worth, to ourselves and others, by whirling through our days, complaining about how much we have to do while continuing to grow our schedules and commitments.  Add to this the magical thinking about time which comprises the second trait typical of "Producers," and you get the sort of habitual lateness scenarios DeLonzor relates, and I blush to read.  

DeLonzor's "magical thinking" about time refers to the tendency to underestimate the amount of time necessary to complete a task, which results in trying to cram several too many activities into a short period of time.  Related to this difficulty is a general reluctance to arrive anywhere early, which might necessitate waiting.  Thus, we "busy" people find ourselves pushing the envelope on a regular basis, and constantly coming up short.  And late.

Why do we have so much trouble being realistic about time?  DeLonzor suggests that right-brain dominance may account for some of the problem, since the left brain is responsible for organizational skills and accurate time assessment.  She shares, as well, Dr. Neil Fiore's notion of a Peter Pan Syndrome, in which an individual raised by indulgent parents fails to outgrow an "all things possible" attitude.  Such people "have a tendency to see the world and their surroundings as they would like them to be, rather than the way they really are."  (I know someone like this, but I wouldn't say that it applies to me.)

Following a seemingly obligatory cultural criticism section, in which we are invited to step back from the competitive, achievement-focused values and behavior that surround us, DeLonzor points to a way out.  She advises the reader to:

• Change your attitude about squeezing so much into each day.
• Stop thinking of "waiting time" as "wasted time."
• Overcome "magical thinking."

For each of these goals, she outlines a number of exercises designed to promote its realization.  Two that I found especially appealing were:

1. the suggestion of replacing "If I hurry, I can. . ." with one of the following mantras:

• "Am I being realistic or optimistic?"
• "Am I doing too much?"
• "Is this something that I need to do, or something I merely want to do?"

and

    2.  the idea of listing everyday tasks; estimating how long they take to accomplish; and then actually measuring how long they take.

I suspect that these two activities would address the habitual, and according to my children "obsessive" task-involvement which I engage in to the detriment of arriving on time anywhere; and my unrealistic assessments of what I can get done in a given amount of time.  (I persist in thinking, for example, that I can shower and dress in ten minutes, despite my daily failure to do so.)

And now, if the reader will excuse me, I have to do three more loads of laundry, finish the dishes, call my sister, work on projects for two clients, and spend some quality time with my husband before turning in early. . .

Procrastinating 101: And Now for the Cure. . .

Er, first of the cures, actually.

This week, Procrastinating 101 continues our study of Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged, by Diana DeLonzor, progressing to "CURE ONE:  Who, Me?  Face the Facts."  Here, those of us who attempt to rationalize away our chronic lateness confront the truth.  For our own good, of course.

At the outset, DeLonzor presents the reader with one of those "You might be a . . ." lists.  In this case, we stand to be assessed as, not a redneck, or a Monty Python fan, or, God forbid, a procrastinator, but, in DeLonzor's schema of the seven types of lateniks, a Rationalizer.  Here's the list, short and not-so-sweet.  If:

• You are frequently late for work, appointments, or social engagements, yet feel lateness isn't a problem;
• You believe people are too uptight about punctuality;
• You often attribute your lateness to circumstances beyond your control;
• You make up excuses when you're late;

You might be a Rationalizer.  If, indeed, you, like me, are at least a bit of a Rationalizer, you may find yourself falling into one (or more!) of these three common traps:

#1--Denying There's a Problem

#2--Blaming Outside Influences

#3--Minimizing the Selfishness of the Act

Luckily, DeLonzor lights the way out of this morass of self-deception, recommending three steps to overcoming rationalization--

• Recognizing the Problem
• Facing the Consequences of Your Lateness, and
• Changing Your Attitude.

She goes on to outline helpful exercises as part of each step.  Two of the overall ten approaches recommend themselves to me as useful places to start.  Both are part of the prescription for "Recognizing the Problem." (Note to publisher/proofreader:  There are four exercises listed under "Changing Your Attitude," but the last is labeled Exercise Five.)


The first directs us to keep what I would call a "lateness diary" for a month, tracking punctuality (if it should occur) and incidents of lateness, and recording the number of minutes by which we miss the appointment hour.  My inner worry-wart raises a concern here about the possibility of being late in recording my transgressions.  But moving right along. . .


The second exercise involves looking for ways in which we have, and could begin to use control over the situations in which we find ourselves being habitually late.  I have decided to focus for now on the almost-daily challenge I face in trying to arrive on time for the one job, in my collection of paid employments, that has set--though frequently changing--hours.  


And now it occurs to me that I am too often jotting the last lines of a blog post when I should be collecting my things and running out the door to get to said job.  Gotta run. . .

Procrastinating 101: Tardiness Meets the MythBusters

Unlike on the Discovery Channel TV show, no test dummies were harmed in the making of this blog post.

It's my birthday, and my grandson is enforcing a National Nana Day rule.  I'm not supposed to work, nor is anyone else who loves me, knows me, has ever heard of me, lives on my block. . .

I am supposed to spend much of the day with him.  So I'm going to make this short.  Luckily, Diana DeLonzor made her third chapter the same.

Today's Procrastinating 101 looks at "What Makes the Tardy So Tardy?," concluding Part One of Diana DeLonzor's Never Be Late Again!  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged.

In this chapter, Ms. DeLonzor culls through 6 myths about the tardy, famous (like Bill Clinton, who supposedly runs on "Clinton Standard Time") and not-so (like me--two weeks late for my own birth).  Here's a quick run-through:

Myth #1--Looking for Attention: Apparently not many of us really get off on strolling in late and having everyone glare at us.

Myth #2--A Control Thing:  Seems some of us may prefer controlling the time of a meeting to having a say about nothing.

                

Myth #3--You Don't Value My Time:  Ms. DeLonzor's research identified some for whom this lack of regard for others was characteristic, but "the majority of late people really did try to show up on time" and were "troubled by their lateness."

Myth #4--Procrastination/Time Management:  "[I]n general, the punctually challenged do tend to procrastinate more than the average person and often embrace a kind of determined optimism when it comes to the clock."

Myth #5--Slackers:  While some of us may be goofing off, other would-be time-benders are actually pretty hard workers.

 Myth #6--Bad Morale:  Since most of us are either consistently on time, and others consistently late, regardless of our attitudes toward the activity involved, poor morale cannot explain all lateness.

DeLonzor closes with a preview of 7 types of late-niks:  The Rationalizer; The Producer; The Deadliner; The Indulger; The Rebel; The Absentminded Professor; and The Evader.

Let's see.  7 types.  7 "cures."  Coincidence?

Tune in next week, as we begin to deconstruct all this name-calling and dive into Cure One. 


And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my party.

Procrastinating 101: Because Cindy Crawford Thinks It's Rude!

This week, Procrastinating 101 launches in earnest our examination of Diana DeLonzor's Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged. 

DeLonzor's aim in this chapter is the motivation of any of us who still need convincing that constantly being a day late, short a dollar or not, is an idea whose time has gone.  A habit we would do well to move past.

She begins by sharing an amusing story from Manila about President Fidel Ramos's personal and political challenges that led to, and complicated, his declaration and observance of "National Consciousness Week of the Imperative for Punctuality and Respect for the Rights of Others," in April of 1996.  The occasion seems since to have morphed into the November designation as "National Consciousness Month on Punctuality and Civility," which would indicate continuing issues with lateness in the Philipines.  There Confucianism requires recognition that "time is money and punctuality matters." [p.11, quoting 1996 St. Louis Post Dispatch article]

But what about the rest of us, perhaps not guided by Confucius?   As the chapter title asks, "What's So Great About Being on Time?" 

DeLonzor offers 5 "Great Reasons" for becoming "perfectly punctual."

#1.  Tardiness Affects Your Self-esteem

Former punctually challenged folks, on the other hand, say that once they manage to change, they begin to build self-confidence, gain respect from other people, and take more pride in themselves.

#2.  It Impacts the Lives of Others

According to Cindy Crawford, "Tardiness is the biggest disrespect."   And, according to DeLonzor,

. . . early birds take your lateness personally.  They see tardiness as something you are doing to them.  Perhaps they've cut short a workout at the gym, skipped breakfast, or waved away a second cup of coffee.  If they've made sacrifices to meet you on time, they'll fell frustrated and slighted that you didn't think enough of them to do the same.  For the most part, early birds believe that if you really wanted to, you'd be able to show up on time.

#3.  It makes a Bad Impression

From her interviews with "the punctual," DeLonzor  recounts these statements:

• Late people believe their time is more important than yours.
• They like the attention they get when they walk into a room.
• It's a passive-agressive thing.  Late people want to be in control.
• They don't have the same respect for others.

#4.  Lateness is a Career Buster

The price tag for chronic lateness in american businesses?  $3 billion annually in lost productivity.   And guess what?  The boss notices.

One executive pointed out that an employee who is ten minutes late to work every day has, in essence, taken a full week of unscheduled paid vacation time by the end of the year.

Tardy employees affect the morale of others at work, are less likely to be promoted, and may eventually be terminated for their persistent untimeliness.

#5.  In This Culture, Punctuality Matters

DeLonzor reminds us that the U.S. is not Brazil, Spain, Southeast India, or the parts of Africa where time is a more fluid concept.  And, although

a clockless, relaxed way of life has its appeal. . . in western cultures, the clock is part of our lives. . . . [And since] it's unlikely we late folks will have much success convincing the majority of the industrialized world to loosen their standards, it may be a better use of our energy to join them and accept the fact that punctuality is important.

 I confess that, at this stage of my life, I find Great Reason #2 most persuasive.  Just like Cindy.  And Fidel.  And Confucius.  

But, although I am not generally rude or thoughtless, I am frequently late.  Next week, we will consult Ms. DeLonzor about why that might be.

Procrastinating 101: Time for the Mad Hatter to Grow Up?

Today, we begin a new venture on Procrastinating 101.  We will spend the next several Tuesdays digesting and learning from the book Never Be Late Again:  7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged, by Diana DeLonzor.  

I have chosen this book from the stack of life-fixing volumes on my shelf because it reflects my sudden, and many would say, late interest in being more timely.  According to the back cover, I am promised discovery of:

• The root causes of lateness and procrastination 

• How anxiety, time perception, and adrenaline affect time management 

• The most common mistakes late people make [I'm presuming she doesn't mean late, as in deceased]
  

• Tips for overcoming the psychological obstacles that hold [me] back 

• 7 unique and simple secrets to successfully managing [my] time

 This speaks to me.  Unfortunately.

As does this handy list at the beginning of the book's first section:

THE DOZEN BEST EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE

1. I'm trying to break this perfectionist image.
2. Wasn't it Einstein who first said time is relative?
3. Why do we need labels like "late"?  Can't we all just get along?
4. I was busy planning a surprise party for you.
5. Really, I don't feel tardy.
6. My biorhythms are off.
7. Existentially speaking, how can you prove I'm late?
8. I'm protesting the oppressive nature of clocks.
9. Explain this whole "late" concept to me again.
10. I thought you might want some time alone.
11. I was born late, you know.
12. Mentally, I was here twenty minutes ago.
    

So, how many of these have you used?  I confess to uttering something close to #s 1, 2, 3, 8 and 11 out loud.  I'm not saying how many others I've muttered under my breath, or thought inwardly.  It would seem that I am "punctually challenged."  Hence, the reading assignment.

I love following advice from those who've been there, so I was charmed by the harrowing tale with which Ms. DeLonzor begins the book's introductory chapter, "Running Late."  It related her own experience of "crashing" a wedding procession because of lateness, a story embarrassingly reminiscent of something I lived through.  Unlike Ms. DeLonzor, I didn't end up blocking the bride's access to the center aisle, but, along with my carful of family members, I held up my brother's wedding by a half hour.  My entire family has a legacy of embracing lateness, and claiming to find it humorous, but I can assure you, our new in-laws weren't laughing.  And because my brother was marrying into a Baptist family, we couldn't slosh our way to amnesty at the reception. 

But enough about me.  Lest we think that Ms. DeLonzor's opening account was an exception, there's this:

I am a former card-carrying member of the punctually challenged, and punctuality used to be my Achilles heel.  I was suspended three times in junior high school for tardiness.  I've been late for surprise parties, client presentations, court appearances, and classes for which I was the instructor.  Planes, graduations, and funerals have left, started, and ended without me. 

I like this woman already.  I know this woman.  I am this woman.  (And so, apparently, are 15 to 20 percent of the U.S. population--though some of them are men.)


And since she purports to have left her tardy habits behind, maybe she can show me how.  And she doesn't underestimate the difficulty of reform.

Resisting that sudden urge to make the bed, unload the dishwasher, water the plants, or finish a newspaper article can be nearly impossible.

(As it was this morning.)


DeLonzor cites research showing that "the late" differ from our more timely counterparts on measures of anxiety and distractibility (we have more of both, of course), and self-esteem and self-discipline (less, naturally).  And she, and others, have found that "lateniks" consistently underestimate the passage of time, while those who show up on time overestimate it. But her main contention is that we get something out of being late, and until we understand what that something is, no amount of organization or time management will help us change.


Previewing the rest of the book, DeLonzor pledges to motivate the reader to change her/his delinquent ways, and to provide tips and exercises to achieve this.  

[I]f you practice the techniques in this book on a daily basis and stay committed, your days of rushing, apologizing, and excuses will be over, and you'll embrace a new, more effective way of managing your time and your life.

Sounds good.  I guess.  But what about drama?  Oh wait, could that be what I'm getting out of my Mad Hatter act?

Lowering the Bar: My New Blogging Success Strategy

I am determined to revive this blog, and to reclaim the time for writing it.  Life, however, is not cooperating.

Today, paid work took up 9+ hours.  Then there was the failed effort to get my asthmatic son's acute bronchitis needed medical attention.  And a squeezed-in sortie with my grandson to see the under-construction sidewalk sections in his neighborhood.  And a run with my teenager.  And a thrown-together dinner.  And a two day's accumulation of dirty dishes.

And now I'm tired.  And it's past my bedtime.

So this is my post for today.  As Gandhi tried to tell us, tomorrow is a new life.  One, I trust, with a bit more room for blogging.

Time (Mis)Management Types: Another Perspective

Another day.  Another way to look at procrastination.  

And now that I've made it my business to immerse myself in all-things-procrastinational, even procrastinating is work-related.  (And tax deductible?  Except that I have yet to make a dime in this pursuit.  But maybe my procrastination losses can offset the minimal profits of my other, more lucrative occupations?)

Anyway, today I found yet another typology of procrastination in Cheryl Clausen's Time Management Tip for Procrastinators on Ezine@rticles. 

According to Ms. Clausen, getting a handle on our time challenges can be facilitated by figuring out which of the following six types fits our postponement profile:

• Time management foilers
• Time management exaggerators
• Time management fretters
• Time management stargazers
• Time management perfectionists
• Time management creatures of habit

Here is my translation/interpretation--the quick and dirty version:

Time management foilers are just plain stubborn.  They don't want to do things on others' schedules.  Time management exaggerators make everything way too complicated, and thus way too overwhelming.  Time management fretters worry and catastrophize about an undertaking to the point of paralysis.  Time management stargazers are dreamy and unfocused.  Time management perfectionists raise the bar on nonvital projects beyond what can be accomplished.  Time management creatures of habit are so used to procrastinating on everything that they automatically delay.

The fixes?  Foilers should "just do it," if it's something that should be done.  Exaggerators should break things down into manageable parts, and get moving.  Fretters should realize that any real difficulties are unlikely to be as painful as all that worrying.  Stargazers should come down to earth and get real.  Perfectionists should let go and realize that, with most things, done is good enough.  Creatures of habit should commit to habit change, and get on with it.

Clausen tells us to

Evaluate the rewards that behavior is giving you, and identify the rewards you could get if you let go of that behavior. Doing so will enable you to refocus your energies so you can do the right things, in the right way, for the right reason, at the right time.

My difficulty in implementing this eminently practical advice is kin to the affliction that had my Dad self-diagnosing every disease, syndrome, malady and condition he studied in medical school.  I see myself in every category.  Perhaps this means I am exaggerating my procrastination problem, which in my case leads to fretting, and inevitably to perfectionism.  As a creature of habit, my knee-jerk response is to stargaze.  And then, of course, I have to fight through my stubborn foiler reaction to all the "shoulds" above. 

But given what's at stake, I'll stay in the struggle.  And keep looking for a way to make it pay off.