My Go-to List of Excuses: Part 1

One of the ideas I have encountered in my forays in the self-help realm is that we can facilitate change by becoming more aware of how our thoughts support our dysfunctional habits.  To that end, I have spent some time identifying the reasons I give myself for not wading in to the work I believe I want to do.  These are near the top of the pile:

1. I’ll get to this when I’ve finished my dissertation.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should confess that the deadline for this project passed over ten years ago (See "Today's To Do List")--but that hasn't stopped me from the knee-jerk use of this expired concern.  Emotionally, I guess, it stands in for all the dead wood and other detritus that clogs my mental pathways.  It could be time to retire this one.

2. My kids/husband/dog/friends/paying job/[insert appropriate person or persons or obligation more important to me than me] come[s] first.

Naturally.  But does every aspect of my relationships with these entities need to be addressed before I can proceed?  Must all of their needs and requirements be met to their, or even my satisfaction as a prerequisite for getting down to my own work?  In all honesty, probably not.

3. I will be much better able to focus on my creative work when I’ve cleaned/remodeled/fumigated/replaced my house.

Since energy and finances are pretty limited, my standards rather high, and my housemates (all three human ones and one canine one) male, somewhat destructive, and possessed of a haphazard sense of the aesthetic, I'm pretty much covered here.  I will almost certainly never have what would feel to me like a conducive setting for productive work.  Perhaps I should consider jettisoning this condition.


4. I got too late a start today. Tomorrow will be a better day to work.

This quasi-rational rationale works on any day that I don't get up with the sun, and/or have an early meeting or other commitment, and/or encounter some unanticipated household crisis.  (Read, most days.)  Tomorrow will seldom bring better circumstances.  In really bad patches, I often feel that I've gotten too late a start in this life.  So, if I am not to give up altogether, I just may need to stop "going-to" this justification so frequently.

5. It’s all been said before.

This is arguably true since the Ecclesiastes was penned.  It did not, however, stop Jane Austen, George Eliot, Virginia Woolf, or the uber-prolific Danielle Steel.  And in any case, "it" hasn't been said by me.

6. It’s all been said better before.

No doubt about it.  This scruple is clearly the work of the dreaded internal editor I've read so much about, who would protect me from writing poorly by protecting me from writing--period.  Maybe not such a friendly force after all.

7. My work won’t save the world, or anyone in it.

I have for a long time (since before I read the work in question, even) identified strongly with Anna in Doris Lessing's The Golden Notebook, whose communist sympathies deterred her writing as not useful.   From my current perspective, I'm beginning to question this perhaps over-rigorous criterion.  It could just be that my voice merits using for its own/my own sake.  And who knows what other good its ungagging might do, or for whom?

8. I just need to finish this level of Mahjong Connect.

--Especially if I categorize this exceedingly challenging time-waster as "relaxation," of which I am in need and to which I am clearly entitled.  However, I am starting to feel not-so-relaxed at the end of hours inadvertently sucked up into this computer-age vortex.  Maybe I could find another use for my laptop?

9. I’m not in a creative mood.

This excuse is good for a considerable portion of the time I could steal for my own work.  It is losing a bit of its potency, however, as I gain more and more incontrovertible evidence of my ability to create without "feeling like it."  I may be outgrowing this "old reliable."

10. I’m too upset about my finances/the fight I just had with my husband/my children’s problems/the war in Iraq/[insert appropriate disaster or pending disaster] to concentrate.

Depending on where I set the bar with this one, it could ultimately come to preclude all forward movement.  It is just possible that this would not be in my best interests.

This exercise has helped me listen to the things I say to "get myself off the hook," which hobble my strides.  Unfortunately, I got up too late in this messy house full of upsetting cohabitants and incompleted scholarly papers (and during a recession, no less) to have anything new or worthwhile or earth-shattering to say about it.  And besides, I'm not in the mood.

Easier Said Than...

Reading about procrastination, writer’s bloc, and other failures of “productivity engineering” can be a great dodge—sounds like research and problem-solving, works like solitaire.  It can also turn up some useful ideas. 

Somewhere in my extensive reading on the subject of getting stuff done, I came across the idea of making a “Done” list, in place of or as an antidote to the often ego-deflating “To Do” list.  Barb Cooper’s SO, THE THING IS…BLOG  includes a humorous example of the use of the “Done” list to document all the stuff that gets in the way of our loftier plans.  Her list illustrates the stop-and-go rhythms that characterize the days of a mother trying to work from home.  She stops short of listing “Drank Coffee” and “Took Shower,”  musing about how pathetic that would be.  I have to agree with her observation that showering can represent a real achievement some days.

Some who recommend using a “Done” list suggest listing all accomplishments as far back as one can remember (by category, even!), which seems to me like yet another distraction from the tasks at hand.  I’m not interested in taking time for extensive life review at this point.  I do, however, think a routine reality check may be useful in my journey out of the stalled place I’ve been in for too long.  And I like the idea of focusing on what got done, instead of on my manic starts and start-ups.   And I love the idea of giving myself credit for serendipitous/accidental feats.

So the plan is to post each Monday my “Done” list for the previous week.  I will keep my list short rather than exhaustive/exhausting; focus on achievements related to my own priorities; and try to use my energies so that most weeks I can claim to have done more than shower. 

Here is my first “Easier Said But Actually Done” list, for the week ending Jan. 3^rd, 2010:

1. Started Couch Potato to 5K training
2. Started Blog
3. Paid overdue medical bills
4.  Saw “It’s Complicated” with husband (mine)
5.  Drafted Home School Transcript for my 16-year-old
6.  Baked with my 16-year-old
7.  Finished Burn Marks, by Sara Paretsky
8.  Phoned Mom, twice
9.  Updated nonprofit website I manage
10.  Met with meditation group

           ....

Not a bad start, though I do say so myself.  (And it should go without saying that hygiene was attended to, coffee was drunk, and I was not fired from either of my two paying jobs.)

What's in a Name?

So why am I calling this blog “Put it to Bed?”

Short answer—“Finishing School” was taken. Longer, better answer—being forced to dig deeper helped me more clearly define what I wanted to write about. And “Wrap it Up?” Taken, too.

After “Put it to Bed” crawled to the front of my brain, and I found it available, I googled it to see what it might connote for others.

The Free Dictionary site--http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/put+to+bed--one-stop shopping for this blogger-on-a-mission, gave me the following information.

According to the McGraw-Hill Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs ( ©2002 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.), to put something to bed is

“to complete work on something and send it on to the next step in production, especially in publishing.”

Looking further (two lines down on the aforementioned site), I found the Cambridge Idioms Dictionary, 2nd ed. (Copyright © Cambridge University Press 2006) take on the term, which informed me that

“[i]f you put something that is printed, for example a book or a magazine [or a blog] to bed, you finish writing it.” 

So far, so good. And since much of what I have left undone to this point consists of partially written pieces of varying sizes, genre and import, I liked where this was going.

The same source-within-a-source went on to offer these three definitions, the first and most generic of which was

"to finish dealing with something”

followed by

“to get a newspaper, magazine, or book ready to be printed…"

and


"to clean a garden after the plants have died.” 

Now we were getting somewhere.

A quick search for synonyms and antonyms--on a whole different site! http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/put+to+bed--turned up this promising family of related words and expressions:

put to bed - 5 of 5 thesaurus results
Main Entry: close
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: complete, finish, stop
Synonyms: button down, button up, call it a day, call off, cap, cease, clear, clinch, conclude, consummate, culminate, cut loose, determine, discontinue, do, drop the curtain, end, fold, fold up, halt, pack it in, put a lid on, put to bed, sew up, shut down, shutter, terminate, ultimate, wind down, wind up, wrap up
Antonyms: begin, continue, not finish, open, start


Main Entry: complete
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: carry out action
Synonyms: accomplish, achieve, actualize, bring to fruition, bring to maturity, call it a day, cap, carry off, close, conclude, consummate, crown, determine, develop, discharge, do, do thoroughly, effect, effectuate, elaborate, end, equip, execute, fill, finalize, finish, fulfill, furnish, get through, go the limit, go through with, go whole hog, halt, make good, make up, perfect, perform, put to bed, realize, refine, round off, round out, settle, sew up, supplement, terminate, ultimate, wind up, wrap up
Antonyms: forget, give up, halt, ignore, neglect, stop


Main Entry: conclude
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: finish, come to an end
Synonyms: achieve, bring down curtain, call it a day, cease, cinch, clinch, close, close out, complete, consummate, crown, desist, draw to close, end, halt, knock off, put the lid on, put to bed, round off, stop, terminate, top off, ultimate, wind up, wrap up
Antonyms: begin, commence, introduce, preface, start


Main Entry: consummate
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: achieve, finish
Synonyms: accomplish, button down, call a day, can*, carry out, clean up, clinch, close, come, come through, compass, complete, conclude, crown, drop curtain, effectuate, end, fold up, get it together, go the distance, halt, knock off, mop up, perfect, perform, polish off, put away, put finishing touch on, put lid on, put to bed, sew up, sign, take care of, terminate, top it off, ultimate, wind up, wrap, wrap up
Antonyms: neglect
* = informal/non-formal usage


Main Entry: print
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: produce writing, impression; reproduce
Synonyms: compose, disseminate, engrave, go to press, impress, imprint, issue, let roll, letter, mark, offset, publication calligraph, publish, put to bed, reissue, reprint, run off, set, set type, stamp, strike off
Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition
Copyright © 2009 by the Philip Lief Group.


And that’s what I want to talk about…

How to Safely Approach New Year’s Resolutions: 7 Strategies

New Year’s resolutions can be treacherous to those of us struggling with procrastination, perfectionism, and all such manner of action-stopping tics.  I note that the first page of my new calendar includes a deep-breathing instruction, probably for that reason.

With tongue-only-partly-in-cheek, I submit the following list of ways to deal with this annual challenge.

1.  Don’t risk it!

    At 12:02 this morning, our soon-to-be nineteen-year-old exemplified this stance, announcing that he would not be making any New Year’s resolutions, since not keeping them would be just one more way of feeling bad about himself.  "Statistics show"--and who are we to argue--that most of us won't keep whatever resolutions we make beyond the first few weeks of this new year.  If you've been burned before by having to confront yet another self-disappointment, this may be the way to go.

    2.  Play the odds

    Make so many New Year’s Resolutions that you are bound to keep some, even accidentally.  If this is your strategy-of-choice, go ahead and throw in some freebies, like try to live through the year, or don't join the Polar Bear Club.  (You could check that one off today!)

   3.  Make only one resolution

   Though the decision-making involved in getting this one right may be pretty intimidating (world peace?  cure for cancer?...), this strategy offers the appeal of simplicity, and might be a boon to those of us struggling with short-term memory.

    4.  Resolve to keep doing what you already do

        This approach relies on inertia for its success.  Though it should be noted that, as the recent adage goes, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”  Unless you are a phenomenally successful and self-actualized person, this may not yield a satisfying result.  There is probably such a thing as setting your standards too low.

       5.  Recycle a previous list

     Resurrecting old resolutions can save time.  This is stuff you already know you  wanted to do.  And those perfectionists among us who have difficulty accepting failure get another chance to redeem ourselves.  However, if you decide to go this way, you run the risk of trying to board ships that have already left the harbor.

 6.  Use the most popular resolutions

     Several sources I checked agree that the most popular New Year’s resolutions are:  1) to lose weight; 2) to exercise; and 3) to stop smoking.  In my case, using this list would give me a leg up, since I  stopped smoking before my sixteen-year-old was conceived.

 7.  Choose a resolution randomly

     You might write down several possible resolutions and pick (or have someone pick for you) one or more, with or without blindfolding.  You might experiment with hats, spinners, dice, or whatever amusing device comes to mind.  Or you could get really elaborate and employ technological randomization.  The beauty of this tactic is that it puts the emphasis on the keeping of the resolution rather than on the making of the perfect one.  Of course, you may end up virtuously committed to something relatively meaningless, even gobbledygook.

In presenting this admittedly incomplete, and determinedly imperfect guide, I am keeping at least two of the resolutions I am considering making today—to eschew perfectionism in favor of accomplishment, and to maintain this newborn blog.  I wish anyone who might accidentally come upon this entry, and my husband and sister who will read it on purpose (or claim to have), a happy, imperfect, unblocked New Year!