Some acts of procrastination rise above the ordinary. Not content to settle for the overdue library books and filing extensions of the rank and file of delay, their perpetrators distinguish themselves with their breathtaking deadline-shredding and their eye-popping feats of tardiness.
Such stand-outs call out for recognition. And so I am inventing an award befitting these off-the-charts deferments.
Think of it as an anti-award.
Kind of like Hickory High's NBA Anti-Awards,
The Shawn Bradley Award, for a player who's 6-10 or taller and has the highest percentage of his shots blocked (500-minute minimum);The Shawn Kemp Award, for the most foulouts;And the Nick Anderson Award, for most missed free throws in a game.
Or the Razzie Awards for worst film.
Or the SAG (Screen Actors Guild) Worst-dressed awards.
I'm calling it the African Queen Award for Egregious Postponement.
Why the African Queen Award? In honor of director John Huston, who
engaged in legendary stalls before writing and directing many of his films
and famously finished editing The African Queen, for which he received two Oscar nominations (Best Screenplay and Best Director), only days before it opened.
And because it sounds cool.
The criteria are pretty loose, and the judging eccentric, high-handed, and one-woman. And the award will be given whenever circumstances dictate.
For putting off really important stuff. For a really long time.